It’s the question no one – man or woman, but especially man – ever wants to be asked: “Does my bum look big in this?”
Finally – here’s the answer.
But to appreciate it, I’d better give you some context.
You have to imagine that your partner has arrived home with a new dress. Or has maybe dug an old one out of the wardrobe, having not tried it on for a while.
“I want your opinion on this dress,” says she. “I’ll just nip into the bathroom to try it on, and then reappear and you can give me your verdict.”
It’s no good. You’re trapped. No escape.
So she’s in the bathroom. Dumps what she’s wearing on the bathroom floor. Pulls the dress over her head. Wriggles and shimmies it down. Jerks the hem to get it straight. Smooths the lines. Ready.
The door of the bathroom opens. She stands framed in the doorway.
“Now be honest,” says she. “Does my bum look big in this?”
Inspiration strikes.
“Well,” says you. “C’mon love. It is a very small bathroom.”
And that, dear reader, was a post for the Loose Bloggers Consortium (from which I fear I’m about to be expelled for being so lame). It may work if you swap the genders too (says he belatedly trying to cover his own arse.) You can see how the rest of them answered the question by scrolling down the right side of the screen to their links and clicking with wild abandon. Or check out my own track record with bums here.
I wonder should my suggested answer instead be recategorised as famous last words?
I ain’t got no butt. The problem is this beer belly. The other problem is that I don’t drink beer or any booze so why do I have a beer belly. Could it be twins ? .
Easy solution – just put your clothes on the other way round and walk backwards. hey presto! The berr belly is gone and you have an epic posterior.
My bum’s the same size it has been for 30 years. It’s the shape that’s gone horribly wrong. And the texture.
The texture of your bum is a subject to which I have devoted far too little time.
it feels as though it should be part of an official multiple choice form.
Page 16, Section 3, Sub section 4: Your bum: We now want to ask you some questions about your bum. On a scale of one to ten, with one meaning “not at all” and ten meaning “very much indeed” – please rank your bum texture in the following categories:
a: alabaster-like smoothness
b: dimpled like a golf ball
c: surface of Mars
d: like you have been sitting on a tennis racket
etc
(Feel free to add categories)
Hah.. in Kenya the answer would be ‘not big enough’.
Glad you added that. I understand that a prosperous comfortable behind is more appreciated there.
You are definitely dead.
Not in Kenya.
“C’mon love. It is a very small bathroom.” I hope she had good aim with her stilettos!
No room to swing her arm back with so much of the bathroom already occupied.
My response would be totally different BWT. It would be a counter question – “In what dear?”
Obvious delaying tactic – will only buy you seconds.
What is wrong in settling for seconds? Particularly if they are better endowed?
Well, it’s all a well-tried ritual, isn’t it? You know there’s only one answer and that’s “No of course not, darling.” While the woman is thinking “Well, of course he’s lying, this dress is horribly unflattering and my bum looks bloody enormous but he’s said the right thing.” And then she takes off the dress and puts on some pants instead.
That all depends on each knowing what the other means – good communication – which is rarer than it could be.
Love the post will be back again to visit and tell friends about excellent site and original posts.
Us ducks don’t worry about the size of our bums. Of course, we have big butts. We’re ducks. We are more likely to worry about the size of our beaks. Now be honest, does my beak look big? And sometimes I wonder if my feet are a little large, too….