The Truth About Pandas

Finally - the truth about pandas. All these years the Chinese have been fooling us. According to Fuxing Man they're really just dogs in disguise. Click on the pic for more.

Got a letter yesterday. Personal, important looking. But not a bill. Could it be… a book response? Too small to contain a returned manuscript. Good news? Bad news? Palpitations…

Rip it open.

It’s, it’s… It’s an invitation to the Rhythm Festival. Yes, yes, very good, thanks a lot. Yes, great line-up Geno Washington, Jackie Leven (and the many meanings of “aye”), Billy Bragg, The Men They Couldn’t Hang (who I’ve mentioned before), The Wailers, yadda yadda. But not – not – what I was hoping for.

(Still, if you fancy going to a music festival in England this summer, I recommend it. I’ve been twice. Mellow atmosphere, good beer, pristine toilets, small enough not to have to worry about losing your children. And it’s on an old well-preserved World War Two USAF airbase – the place Glenn Miller set off from on his final flight.)

(And yes, that is the Geno that Dexy’s Midnight Runners were singing about. He’s still going strong and getting freaky.)

But back to the book. C’mon people. I want to get published before books become extinct.

Geno Washington

Amazon announced that e-book sales out-stripped hardbacks the other week for the first time.

And to get ahead in the e-book race, I’ll have to ratchet up the smut meter significantly. Apparently the most popular e-books in Apple’s iBookstore are the likes of Blonde and Wet by the prolific “hygienic and mucky” Carl East. There’s a good piece by David Sexton about it all. It’s the most porn to come out of Hull since Philip Larkin it seems.

What I need is a fierce player in my corner. Someone like Andrew “The Jackal” Wylie. But, oh dear, it’s all getting so cross and complicated with the lines between literary agent and publisher becoming blurred.

I think I’ll watch a film about Iron Baby to calm my nerves.

PS – Sorry about the Blonde and Wet link earlier. I couldn’t help it.



Filed under art, Film, life, Music, My Writing

6 responses to “The Truth About Pandas

  1. Good Luck With The Smut.It’s a Dirty Job but someone has to do it!
    JACKIE LEVEN! I love that bloke& his Music. I,ve seen him several times.A lovely genuine geezer.I see him again in Hebden Bridge on 12th of August.
    Some links to photos I have taken of him at previous gigs.


  2. So life on my blog has been going badly the past few days – idea-dry, not wet and blond.

    So I determined to visit my blog buddies and drop a little dreary on them. All I have found is dissatisfied, frustrated creative people in various states of writing wantonly because they are certain fate has passed them by.

    I guess I’ll just have to accept the fact that other writers aren’t always there for me – to inspire – to have a friendly exchange. No, they could be more into memories of past music fests or practicing trying to get the royal imprimatur as purveyors of porn.

    That’s OK. I mean the wonderful thing about the written word is that it does remain. So I will follow yours like a bread crumb trail back to a time when you were fresh and happy to be on the path to being published. It beats the heck out of knowing that you worry about toilets at music fairs. 🙂

  3. Evil envelopes carrying “crap” and not contracts – perhaps you need a reader – sort of like a food taster – so you are not having your hopes directly dashed.

    So now you have buried your hope under piles of small toilets at music festivals, ripe for eating blonds and other assorted head-turning subjects.

    Are you working on some new things? Posts are wonderful ways to keep writing but I mean “real” things?

    I wish you would write a post we can cross-post on how the Yanks need to consider what they would be getting into making people carry their papers everywhere and setting up checkpoints to solve the illegal immigration issue. The Irish troubles are a powerful lesson of what that did to a free people and their souls.

    I have a fabulous Japanese toilet I will write about in a future post if your scatological interests persist. I just cannot stop thinking about a child in a toilet.

  4. Blonde and Wet, only went there thanks to your double mention, very funny (not). As for smut, hate reading it but it’s awesome fun to write.

  5. blackwatertown

    @Tony – Thanks for the photo links. Have you listened to (or even witnessed) the show Jackie Leven did with Ian Rankin – bit of story, bit of song, bit of story, etc – it’s on CD. It’s good.
    I’ve encountered a mention of Leven in one of Rankin’s stories. To return the favour Leven has a song about John Rebus (that’s Rankin’s main character for those who have not come across him.)

    @ SamHenry – More the beer and music I’m there for, but clean bogs can tip the balance for getting others to join me.
    And yes, I’m writing something at the minute based on an odd experience I had at the weekend. I’ll tell you more when I’ve done it.

    @ Baino – Hey, I apologised in advance. But, come to think of it, the juxtapositioning of Boris and the book title is perhaps not so odd given recent newspaper stories about his extracurricular activities.

  6. Can’t get into e-readers myself. You can’t beat the tactile sensation of turning actual pages, the virtual equivalent just isn’t the same. I find that applies to sex too, for that matter.

    Hey, you’re the one who started all the smutty talk, don’t blame me for lowering the tone!

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