Beware of the goat

I’m all for innovation. Finding ways round problems. Flexibility. Work rounds. Not being defeated by seemingly insurmountable problems. So I should approve of what they’ve done on the island of Fuerteventura.

Yes, just been there. Yes, it’s sunny, pleasant, not tacky, clean, long beaches, great cycle paths, well organised. But it’s also very windy – hence the name Fuerteventura – fortunate/strong wind. (Which reminds me of a previous post.) Good for the spectacular kite surfers and their less stirring paddle surfing mates. But it may also explain why I’ve returned the same hue I was beforehand, and with a stinking cold.

But that’s not the problem. It’s the signs.

The island is noted for its goats. It’s only recently that the 70,000 human residents outstripped the bovine population. But they seem to have a problem with celebrating the island’s goatishness.

The capital and main port is called Puerto del Rosario – Port of the Roses. Pretty name but also deceptive. Not merely for concealing the usual conglomeration of cranes, warehouses and urban sprawl. But because it’s a rebranding. The original name was Puerto de Cabras – goat harbour.

It only takes a brief look at the barren landscape around to suspect that no roses were ever exported through that port. Lots of goats. They’re easy to spot by the side of the road – though what they eat I don’t know. Stones? Gravel? There must be some grass tucked away.

All those goats give rise to two problems.

Over wrought intense Catholic guilt infused teenagers are advised not to dwell on the imagery within James Joyce’s A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Stephen Dedalus could have been looking through his mind’s eye on Fuerteventura:

Creatures were in the field: one, three, six: creatures were moving in the field, hither and thither. Goatish creatures with human faces, hornybrowed, lightly bearded and grey as india-rubber. The malice of evil glittered in their hard eyes, as they moved hither and thither, trailing their long tails behind them. A rictus of cruel malignity lit up greyly their old bony faces. One was clasping about his ribs a torn flannel waistcoat, another complained monotonously as his beard stuck in the tufted weeds. Soft language issued from their spittleless lips as they swished in slow circles round and round the field, winding hither and thither through the weeds, dragging their long tails amid the rattling canisters. They moved in slow circles, circling closer and closer to enclose, to enclose, soft language issuing from their lips, their long swishing tails besmeared with stale shite, thrusting upwards their terrific faces

Help!

He flung the blankets from him madly to free his face and neck. That was his hell. God had allowed him to see the hell reserved for his sins: stinking, bestial, malignant, a hell of lecherous goatish fiends. For him! For him!

Hey, don’t belittle this aspect. There are direct flights from Ireland. (And all sorts of places, but no decent link to Morocco just 50km away.)

And the other goat-related niggle is the likelihood of driving into them on the roads. So with the combination of the Joyce-burdened, motorised transport and massive goat proliferation – you’d think they erect a few warning signs.

The main road north from the capital, but where are the deer?

And they do. They’re all over the place. Beware of the cow. The deer. More than one type of dog – often something that looks like an Alsatian.

But if you go looking for deer you’ll be sorely disappointed. There aren’t any. No cows either. It feels like a scam of breathtaking audacity. “Buy tickets for our wildlife tour… Oh, sorry, we must have just missed spotting the majestic stags rutting… Must have spooked them. Er… and that’ll be why we haven’t seen any of the Lesser-Spotted Canarian Cow either.” But there are signs depicting them everywhere, so they must exist, huh?

So what they’ve done, in the absence of any Beware of the Goat signs, is to use deer, dog and cattle-related ones instead. Sure it’s innovative and imaginative.

But why so many goats, isn’t it time they invested in a few hundred goat signs instead? Or at least painted horns on the dogs?

Or perhaps the rest of the world could learn from the Fuerteventura approach to signage. Ireland could commission a set of Honest Politician Ahead signs. (We could probably shift a few of those elsewhere too.) There could be a lucrative line in mythical beast roadsigns.

In the meantime, here’s something else goat-related.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under life

10 responses to “Beware of the goat

  1. Send a few of those ‘Honest Politician Ahead’ signs down to Texas, would you please?

  2. What about signs warning “Beware of the Misleading Signs”?

  3. Pingback: Pro Blogger News

  4. Oh dear! Billions of goats…no suntan….and a cold! Ooopsy 🙂 Nevermind…there’s always “The Dancing Goat” to cheer you up. Re the mythical beast signs…they should replace the “Honest Politician Signs.” They would be much more accurate in defining both politicians and their natures… 😉 Painting horns on the “Honest Polit’ signs instead of the dogs would likely convey the correct message too 🙂

  5. I was there twice and never got a sun tan either. Now that video has given me an idea. I might try teaching Elly’s dog a few tricks like that. 😉

  6. Oh, dear. A dangerous sail to Morocco from there – glad you didn’t attempt that – glad being a parent held you back.

    There is a Goat Island in Narragansett Bay off Newport, RI. Has an old goat of a chain hotel there now. Rather the goats were back. Isn’t it amazing the world we live in. We can vacation so close to civil strife in a fair degree of safety. We have to in this day in age or we wouldn’t go anywhere. Along those lines, I wonder how long it will be before it will not be safe for a woman alone to drive between Rochester and Philadelphia. We have been lucky in this country until now but until now we have had enough jobs and food. Both are slipping away here as in other places.

    Really enjoyed this post. SH

  7. Canary Islands are just a hop, step and jump from Africa and this is probably how the islands were actually settled eons ago.

  8. No goat signs on an island full of goats. Hmm…

    Trickery of the wildest sort.

    Loved the video, gave me a laugh.

  9. Intentionally misleading signs! This has enormous potential! Some suggestions:

    “This Bridge Has Been Certified Safe”
    “Totally Not an Accident Blackspot”
    “Northampton: Twinned with R’lyeh”
    “Welcome to Switzerland: Black Hole Capitol of the World”

    Brings to mind that picture that was doing the rounds on message boards a while back that said “Caution: Zombies Ahead!”

  10. Barbara Rodgers

    I would rather have seen deer, too. Maybe there was a sale on the deer signs? A goat chased me once when I was a kid. I made it to “safety” into our friends’ kitchen and the goat rammed into the screen door, denting it. Love the video!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s