The Fake Prince of Gelled Hair *

While I was off being transformed into a godfather (to the most handsome young Arthur),  a couple of things happened which might have taken your mind off the year’s biggest event. (I’ll give you some clues as to that event. It involved a big dog, cake, bagpipes and a same sex royal wedding that has not yet made the newspapers. Capiche?)

"Enry's Hammer" temporarily downs "The Greatest"

Things like saying goodbye  to Henry









Like saying good riddance to whatisname… Obama bin Laden isn’t it? Hey, it was on TV. Must be true.

And it wasn’t just Fox who got confused/caught up in wishful thinking.

But after all that, is he really dead? Watch this classified video (Osama bin Laden – What Really Happened) that has just been sneaked out through wikileaks. (Aka Cultural Snow.)

Anyway, it’s so hard to keep track of who’s who when celebrities look so alike these days, isn’t it.

But to put you all out of your misery and end the suspense that’s killing you….

No, it didn’t rain on our parade. The royal wedding street party drew 200+ residents and neighbours. They were welcomed by an excellent piper (the father of no.1). This brought out all the secret Scots in their kilts.

As predicted, the heaps of cucumber sandwiches were left uneaten, even by the dogs.

But the patriotic pastries and monarchical munchables were all quickly hoovered up, along with copious amounts of Rebellion. (Other beers are available. But why?)

Not content with one royal wedding, a second was staged on our street by lookalikes. OK, to call them lookalikes may be stretching things somewhat. Especially with the Archbishop of Canterbury. And our Prince William was far too attractive. And they were all girls. Aged 11 and younger. (* I’d love to include pictures of the Fake Prince and her cohorts. However, as they’re other people’s kids, I’d better not.) But at least I can now grow old happy that I’ve seen my daughter marry a prince. Maybe she’ll now forget about the royals and redirect her energies to becoming president.

(Anything to wipe from my memory the horrifying and disturbing image of her running up to me wearing a mask of Prince Philip. Her body. His face. Just horrible.)

We had older bridezillas, our ideologically dubious “score a royal goal”, malfunctioning trumpets, red carpet, frolicking in the fields, the most raucous open air karaoke ever and Will and Kate’s tattoo and nail parlour.

People seemed to aim for Prince Andrew (top left) or Camilla (bottom right)

My personal highlight was having to introduce God Save The Queen, not once, but twice. To a crowd of English people. (I’ll excuse the Scots.) Not one of them was there to take the microphone  themselves. Aye, leave it to the Irish bloke. You… you… you scamps.

But what could I do?

When you have  a boy looking up at you expectantly, trombone in hand, there’s only one thing you can say: “Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding…”

Twice though? That’s taking the…

But it won't be her

Anyway, enough royal-related business.

Next I’ll tell you about an odd woman in a flat cap.



Filed under In the village

7 responses to “The Fake Prince of Gelled Hair *

  1. chenab Mangat

    ah, glad the shock of a hug from a prince philip (aka erin in disguise) didnt render you speechless to announce the anthem, in true cross cultural spirit…
    but calling it out twice….impressive

  2. Really, the Queen and Jim Carey in canary? What a mind that goes astray. Meant to ask at the last post – is Ralph yours? He’s very fetching. My kind of dog, really. Yanks sing “God Save” when in that position and with gusto knowing full well she can’t tell us what to do, the irony being that she is able to create enough interest in her family’s doings that she reaps not only our undivided attention but a lot of our money. This is a marvelous post shot through with your fast moving good comments that are uniquely your own.
    Bagpipes, eh? That’s gilding the lily a bit isn’t it? They make me cry from overdoses of sentiment and their mournful sound. I see little black dogs named “Bobby.” ‘Course now a days I just see sock puppets.

  3. Loved it . . . sounds wonderfully irreverent and perhaps a little irrelevant but good times by the sound of it. Cucumber sandwiches left over . . ship ’em out here. I love cucumber sandwiches! (We don’t even sing God Save the Queen and we’re a Commonwealth country . . instead we have arguably the ugliest national anthem in the world and the only one with the word ‘girt’ in it.)

  4. This is truly rare…

    Maxi Malone wishin’ to be someplace other than her spread in Central Florida, USA.

    Still, it would have been great to be there celebrating your street party … would love to have seen the kids.

  5. Barbara Rodgers

    Somebody really knows how to plan a party. The cake topped with blueberries and strawberries looks oh so very tempting… Sounds like you all know how to have a great time! (Can’t imagine an event like this one happening in my neighborhood…)

  6. Pingback: how do you dress up like barbie? | girls makeover games

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