What Pontius Pilate did next

Staff hand washing training consultant

Just spotted a great new opportunity in the staff training field.

Forget about computer system familiarisation, fire evacuation procedures or even how to lift boxes. I’ve discovered a niche that really is money for old soap-on-a-rope.

Hand washing.

Teaching people how to do it.


I’ve just visited an office staffed entirely by numpties who never learned to wash their hands.

It wasn’t the state of what lurked under their fingernails that gave it away, but this sign in the bog.

It’s not a great photograph, but then I don’t like to linger in the loo taking pictures. People might notice and ask to have their picture taken and I could be stuck in there all day.

So – hand washing. Not the most difficult of tasks. You’d assume most people know how by the time they begin school. Or at least by the time they leave.

But apparently not so. Ker-chiiing. Training opportunity.

Commercial kitchens and hospitals may demand the utmost rigour. Fair enough.

And you see those notices urging slack seedy soap dodgers to NOW WASH YOUR HANDS after visiting the toilet.

But once reminded, do we really need…

  • 15 bullet points
  • 8 instructions
  • 6 diagrams

…as part of a beginner’s guide to finger scrubbing?

And after that comprehensive How to Wash your Hands sequence of actions, you’d think there’d be no need for the final summary to Wash hands under running water using soap, rinse and dry thoroughly.

What sterile, hygiene-critical, life and death facility was I visiting? An office. Part of the Wernham Hogg chain perhaps. An ordinary boring office with desks and computer terminals.

Unless… it’s not cleanliness they’re worried about, but sticking to difficult decisions. Hand washing can help with that apparently.

Odd though, isn’t it? That a building full of hand washing undergraduates are trusted near computers. One step at a time, surely? It’s time to bring in an outside training consultant.

I’m available to start with hand washing. Depending on how quickly they pick that up, we could move on to tying shoelaces. Best leave  button fastening to the week after. Don’t want to run before we can walk.



Filed under life

12 responses to “What Pontius Pilate did next

  1. …and we especially don’t want them to run while carrying scissors 🙂

  2. I think week two should concentrate on drying the hands, we wouldn’t want anyone suing you for chilblains! One step at a time….

  3. And leave the zips until the end.

  4. In Florida it is a law that this sign be posted in all restaurant and mental and medical facilities and part of new employee training.

  5. Sad truth innit. Same where I’m working at the moment. They even have a laminated sign on how to use a toilet brush!

  6. One needs to pull up a chair and get comfortable before reading this sign.

    The best sign I have seen is at my neurosurgeon’s office: clean hands, healthy hands.

  7. I know, we don’t need that much instruction, even in the complicated art of handwashing. I’ve seen origami with less instructions. I’m surprised there are no signs on how to open a door. Grasp knob. Pull, and if that doesn’t work, push. If it still doesn’t budge, push harder. Once inside, let go of knob and proceed. Also very complicated.

    • blackwatertown

      Er, are we still talking about hand washing here?
      Grasping the knob can indeed lead to complications.

  8. Barbara Rodgers

    LOL! – “I don’t like to linger in the loo taking pictures.”

    This reminded me of the George H.W. Bush vomiting incident in 1992. That night on the TV news we were treated to a visual aid of what happens when a person vomits, as if anyone needed an explanation….

    Thanks for the laugh!

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