Why Lady Di is worse than Stalin…

It’s true. Lady Di is significantly worse than Stalin.

This may seem perverse – especially after what I said about Uncle Joe last time around. But last night was a revelation.

He may be a contender for the title of world’s worst butcher, but just to be clear – when it comes to a choice between Stalin, Lady Di and something like a peasant – Stalin is by far the preferred option, with Lady Di in second place.

As for third place – that’s just unthinkable undrinkable.

Of course I’m talking about bottles of red wine.

We picked them up on the way to a friendly Afghan place in Hanwell. The eatery was unlicenced – so we dropped in to see a Latvian angel.

Angel displaying her Stalin wine.

Or to be more precise – Angel from Latvia. She stocks an extensive array of Georgian and Moldovan wines, and was happy to chat about old times in Latvia and Lenin and Stalin.

But why on earth would you stick a picture of a mass murderer on your bottle of wine?

Is that the best symbol of Georgia?

I suppose it could work as an encouragement to people to drink to forget.

But what next?

  • Pol Pot port?
  • Hitler hock?
  • Caligula chianti?
  • Oppenheimer ale?
  • Bokassa beer?
  • Brains Bitter? (Oh, actually that last one does exist and is quite tasty. They make it in Cardiff. It was the first British beer to appeal to me.)

Angel also sold us some Polish beer. I didn’t approve of that purchase. It smacked of timidity when faced with the prospect of drinking the wine. (I’ve nothing against Polish lager itself. When I worked in Kielce many years ago, it was my first small step back to drinking beer – then nudged along further by bars in Czechoslovakia. That was in the days before “Irish” pubs took over the world.)

Worst to least worst, left to right. Lady Di is in the middle. Wonder if Stalin only comes in red?

So we sampled all three wines. I’ve already given you my opinion above. Shamefully our party failed to meet the challenge of emptying the bottles and switched to the Polish beer.

Still – it could have been worse. Angel’s parting words to us as we left her shop laden with bottles were these: “Would you like this one too? I have some Big Cock.”

Too late. We couldn’t wait. We were already hungry and our arms were too full to manage another novelty shaped bottle with execrable contents.



Filed under life

14 responses to “Why Lady Di is worse than Stalin…

  1. Reading the list of alphabetized “tags” alone had my eyebrows rushing into my hairline! (Oh, and by the way, you forgot “cock” — er, make that “Big Cock.”)…

  2. Mao Red and and the Afghan Opium Blend ravish the palate with sunburst of delight. The Saudi Arabian Date goes down smooth as oil and the German Blackberry brings the warmth of the Saar valley as only good German coal can provide. However, the Sicilian Blush seems to have a hint of gunpowder which appeals to a limited group of families in the obscure mountain areas of the island.

  3. I laughed so hard. Thank you, I needed that.

  4. You’re a man-about-town Paul. I don’t get out enough to keep up. So glad you clarified the bottles o’ wine.

  5. Hope the food was good.

  6. Excuse me while I pour a glass of Pinochet Pinot Grigio. Or maybe the Stasi Sauvignon Blanc….

  7. Well, the truth is, one man’s mass murderer is someone else’s saviour of democracy.

    In Pakistan, they had Jemima Goldsmith’s (ex-Mrs. Imran Khan) on a bottle of tomato ketchup. It’s true.

  8. I never realized I was missing so much being off the stuff for so long now…

  9. Haha come over here and have a little Angry Fish.

  10. Although I Am Myself Of Polish Distraction, I have to say I find there beer is usually pretty average. As To Uncle Joe’s Tipple…Well …………..I’m trying to think of some British Politicians whose faces I would Like to slap on a wine bottle……..ummm, quite a lot really!

  11. blackwatertown

    @ Carl – the hint of gunpowder could make popping the cork extra explosive.
    @ westwood – my pleasure.
    @ Maxi – Man about town? Man about Hanwell, more like. And if you knew Hanwell…
    @ Grannymar – the food was very good.
    @ Nick – Pinochet Grigiot – very good – how did I miss that one.
    @ Gaelikka – I’d like to see that Jemima Khan ketchup. I can tell you that though she may look attractive on screen or in press photos, she is far more beautiful in person. She came in once with her brother to my work once. She had the undoubted benefit of my undivided attention.
    @ wisewebwoman – happy to confirm you in your abstinence – perhaps you have uncovered the real reason he is on the bottles – to deter drinkers.
    @ Baino – is that a wine?
    @ Tony – Sure, a lot of it is, but compared to British lager it was a step in the right direction

  12. paulboylan

    But Lady Di WAS worse than Stalin – at oppressing the masses and perverting the communist revolution. Lady Di was an amazing woman, but her efforts to ferment a ruthless dictatorship, as impressive as they were, did not rise to the level of Stalin’s. It is as simple as that.

    Oh. Wine.

    Never mind….

  13. Polish beer is much better than British beer…much stronger…so I’m told..and of superior quality… usually drunk very ernestly ignoring all the distractions… 😉 Not recommended for the average Brit who is likely to get legless and fall over well before time 🙂 As to the Big Cock…lol..well!!

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