Marriage (for the Loose Bloggers Consortium)

Zsa Zsa Gabor, huge fan of marriage - nine life sentences. Her verdict? "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.”

“Marriage, huh! Good God. What is it good for…” No. Sorry. Got my 60s songs mixed up.

So – thoughts on marriage. They don’t come tripping off my tongue as readily as usual. But…

  • I know of more good marriages now than when I was young. That’s gotta be a good thing. Admittedly the base back then with which I’m comparing is only 2. And you never really know, do you. Looks may deceive and suggest things are better or worse than they really are. So, strangely enough, I’m now less sceptical than before.
  • I was proud to vote in the only constituency in the Republic of Ireland that had a majority in favour of allowing divorce in the first constitutional referendum on the issue. The rest of the country has since wised up about that and many other things, thank goodness. We could even end up with a president not called Mary in the near future. Could also be openly gay. (And I’m not talking about Martin McGuinness, he just looks happy.)
  • Marriages should start with a good party. Like this one. Because you never know how they’ll end. (Not casting aspersions on any relationship in particular.) 
  • If you’re considering getting married, it’s probably best to take advice from someone with experience – which rules out most blokes in one particular job. On the other hand, the likes of Zsa Zsa Gabor may not be the best role model either. (Nine times, since you ask.)
  • You probably shouldn’t make a habit of getting married too often, but the second one may well be better than the first.
  • Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state – so says poet Kathleen Norris. I’d go along with that.
  • Oh, and it should only be entered into voluntarily. (That way you can’t blame anyone else.)
  • But what is marriage? What does it mean? Sesame Street will have the answers…

You will have found those few thoughts so meagre that you’ll be hungering for more marriage musings over at the blogs of the other members of the Loose Bloggers Consortium (sounds like a wife swapping club for the blogosphere). You’ll find them listed on the right, if you cursor down.

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20 Comments

Filed under D - Loose Bloggers Consortium

20 responses to “Marriage (for the Loose Bloggers Consortium)

  1. Marriage should be entered into freely, willingly and with careful thought.

  2. Marriage can be a “fortress of well being,” and then again it can be daily hell. I had one, am now in the other, the good one. Someone said it’s the luck of the draw, and felt enormous relief and kindness to that person. It is all for our growth, and there’s a psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, who has excellent theories about marriage; and I believe the concept he advocates is we pick our mate and work out issues within ourselves because of qualities within them, and ourselves, the dynamic brings it out. Who would have thought ‘We’re out of toilet paper,” from an imperious young white man, newly married, standing at the top of white carpeted stairs, down to a “Hi How can I please and twist into a pretzel shape to be the good wife.” wimp of a young girl, would have such profound dimensions.

    In the Baha’i Faith, if you have a good marriage, it is a “fortress of well-being,” and this writer has had an action packed life of 25 years with her buddy, friend, lover, fellow-traveler into the beyonds, Bill, who looked like a Ghandi toy when she met him, but now looks rather like Guiseppe, Pinocchio’s dad. This wonderful fellow brings her coffee, 2 cups at the beginning of the day, and has every day for 25 years. That’s romance. We live simply, beyond the fringe, some might say, have gone to Russia, crawled over railroad tracks together, sung in choirs in Siberian cities, and worked together on race related issues from Jamestown, N.Y. to Pasadena, CA. We surf the inner waves of trust regarding our economic and health future, and meanwhile, Esther, says, “have faith but tie your camel.” She’s a good knotter that lady.It’s a day to day thing, joyous and gritty; wouldn’t have missed it for the world. At this moment as I write, Bill is in the bathroom sounding like a large Pug Dog, snorting and snuffing; he’s got allergies, Epstein Barr, blah, blah; and when we are 80, we’ll give you a complete run down on our medical conditions, (I bet you can’t wait), but meanwhile, the sun is out, the boidies are in the trees and i’m signing off, esther

  3. After 35 years of marriage, I would live in a room to have my David back.

    As for that piece of paper, we believe it tells the world how you feel, that you have made a true committment to one another, that you are willing to work together in everything and through everything, good and bad; that your spouse comes before all, that you support each others desires…

  4. Len and I have been happily married for 31 years. The secret? you ask…

    We have not had a television in our home for 31 years. In other words, we talk WITH (not TO, or AT) each other on a regular basis. We also take turns, by chapter, reading books to each other (doing the voices, accents, and everything). And we crack each other up!

  5. I am seriously inclined to think that marriage should not be entered into at all! Very dangerous territory. that said, as the comments above show clearly, there is obviously another side to it, if you’re lucky enough to find it.

  6. Zsa Zsa inspired me too to include her famous quote in my post. I simply interpreted it to suit my needs!

    Great take on the institution BWT. I hope to be around to see your marriage flourish for many decades.

  7. For Zsa Zsa it seems marriage was like Robert Bruce–Try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try–until you succeed.

    Maybe she hasn’t heard of the proverb, “Once bitten twice shy” or having been bitten by the marriage bug, no amount of anti-venom is going to cure her.

    I used to wonder this about Liz Taylor as well.

    • blackwatertown

      I like your Robert Bruce analogy. As a child I used to go to the island of te cave of the spider that encouraged the Scottish king – it’s Rathlin Island, just off the north Antrim coast. Noted for puffins, Bobby Bruce and a massacre of the inhabitants involving the slaver Sir Francis Drake.
      Poor old Liz though – at least she married the same bloke twice. Now that’s definitely a triumph of hope over experience.

  8. Well, as Groucho said “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” Jenny and I lived together very happily for 14 years, and got married simply because her local government pension could only go to a spouse if she died. Marriage made no observable difference to our relationship, which continues just as happily 16 years later.

    • blackwatertown

      Reminds me of a close friend who married for a visa – I should mention that she and her partner had been together for more than ten years at this point. It happened because one was going to a permanent job in the USA. So they got married. Next thing – he took a job in Canada instead, and they needn’t have got married in the first place. Still – her parents were probably happier.

  9. I was widowed after 9 years and never remarried. I think it’s a slightly old fashioned institution. Then I’m a waffler and a hypocrite, I love a good wedding!

  10. I find it interesting that you know of more good marriages now than when you were growing up. I’ve found the opposite to be true. I also barely know anyone who is on their first marriage. Most of my peers, myself included, are on numbers 2 or even 3.

    • blackwatertown

      Well, n0.2 or no.3 could be good marriages too. Doesn’t always come right first time round, but it may do 2nd or even 3rd time. Good luck with yours.

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