I’m being leant on to write about a particular topic at the moment. But I’m doing my best to resist.
As everyone’s favourite agony aunt Nancy Reagan said: “Just say no.”
If only I’d taken her advice that first time I tried something new, life might be quite different.
Worse. But different.
Angling festival, Hastings Pier, 1948
Back then there were different worries – like the pier pressure of trying to land a big one at the seaside with everyone watching.
No one wants to be seen by all and sundry brandishing a tiddler, do they?
After all, you know what anglers are like. They’re always bragging about how theirs was THIS BIG.
Still, the stress of trying to hook a whopper doesn’t compare with the pee pressure some blokes feel if anyone is watching.
I wonder how long it is acceptable to linger in hope?
Then again, pee pressure makes some people unable or unwilling to wait at all.
"I am not a monster, I am an elephant." Yeah right Gerry - just put your trunk away.
That means you Gerard Depardieugh.
Those Ghanaians are hardcore.
Perhaps he had just come from a social occasion where he’d felt under obligation to knock back a lot of this.
It’s all getting too much for me now. I can sense you all peering in at me. I’m feeling too much… well, you know…
Bit cut short there. Can’t be helped. But you now have to go to the other members of the Loose Bloggers Consortium and see if they’ve cravenly caved in to that thing today. Their links are listed on the right hand side of your screen – just cursor down a little. Ah go on, go on, go on, go on, go on – everyone else is doing it.
Blackwatertown 
No!
I guess you felt you had to say that.
Man,I can relate to the pier pressure of your tale!
Mmm – they can be difficult to get a grip on.
Have to be pretty smart to remember all those lyrics.
Otherwise it would be too much… sorry… lost it.
No, Nein, Non, Nem, Nei, Na, Nau. In other words, absolutely not!
I don’t think there is a word in Irish for NO.
Pee pressure indeed. I still get slightly embarrassed when I’m peeing with other blokes beside me, particularly since at my age the pee is not exactly in a desperate rush to get out. Though it always seems like my companions are equally embarrassed and keen to leave as fast as possible. But then most blokes are still embarrassed just by the thought of close proximity to another naked male body.
I must admit – I do sometimes chat to people.
Though apparently that’s why Michael Caine never goes to pubs. Not after that last time. The way he tells it goes like this…
He’d had a few drinks. Felt the call of nature. Went to the toilet. Is standing there relieving himself. Realises the bloke next to him is looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Finally the bloke can’t resist it any longer and turns to him and says: “You’re that Michael Caine, aren’t you.” And then proceeds to regale him with one of his catchphrases (“You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off… Stop chucking spears at me…”) while Mr Caine begins to feel the dampness seeping through his trouser leg nearest the pissant non-interruptus fan.
Every time apparently. Just not worth anymore to keep getting accidentally wee-ed on.
Oh Nick, unbeknown to you, you do make me laugh every so often.
Let me ask you, and Paul who may be better qualified to answer, a question: If it’s so embarrassing why do men don’t use cubicles? In fact, come to think of it, why has it never been questioned that women are given cubicles without so much as a sideways glance?
Also, I can name you plenty of men (though you may not call them “blokes”) who’d be delighted to be in close proximity to another naked male body. As indeed, or so it appears, are Rugby players and footballers (blokes, you know) in the shower room.
Nick, by way of comfort, it is endearing that you will freely admit that – at your age – “flow” is not always easy to come by.
U
Once upon a time I was happily flowing away in a pub toilet when Patrick Kielty and his producer appeared on either side of me. They realised that someone was using the cubicle, and were loudly outraged at such craven behaviour. As soon as they were finished they hauled themselves up to check the poor misfortune wasn’t just having a wee – apparently he was. So they roundly berated him for skulking away inside doing privately what any true red-blooded male should be happy to share… Or words to that effect.
Which is why you should just get on with and leave the cubicle to shy people, shaggers, coke heads, sleepers and new-friends-to-be of Paddy Kielty.
(“So, how did you first get into showbiz?” “Well actually, it was Irish comic Patrick Kielty who discovered me…”)
It is unwritten male-toilet etiquette when selecting a urinal to choose one wherever possible that is not occupied either side!
I have a memory of an episode of Cracker when Robbie Coltraine as Dr Fitz got a bit too shall we say curious of the man peeing next to him – and ended up with a Glasgow-kiss for his troubles!
Oh dear – I may have started a new thread on your blog – famous urinal scenes in TV and Cinema!
Ursula – Why do men not use cubicles? I think partly because like women we’d have to queue instead of rushing in and out. And partly of course because urinals are usually all we need. Though apparently there’s a fashion in Japan for men to use cubicles because it’s more discreet and civilised.
Yes, certainly there are plenty of men who’re very keen on other male bodies, but I guess they’re still a minority in our homophobic culture.