Beheading snowmen

They just couldn’t wait.

They couldn’t wait to cut the heads of carefully crafted snowmen. What could be so urgent to necessitate the introduction of saw to sculpted neck?

Saving the grass apparently – according to Hounslow Council.

Even as war, hunger and pestilence roam the world, somehow a decapitated snowman deserves his place on the front page. And in some parts of London like Chiswick, there’s been a wholesale decaptitatory crackdown.

Even my Fosters-drinking mate at the railway station has disappeared – and he was fine this morning. Gone without trace.

And for what? It’s snowing again. 

Sure, it may be laudable to clear pavements to save people from slips and broken hips. But who begrudges a snowman?

As we’re having to wait for the sun anyway, why not have the cheery companionship of a snowy sentinel to share the icy times while they last.

We’ll be wading through mud, slush and rain soon enough.

According to the Daily Telegraph, even the Queen has been drawn into the row. Well, Mrs Queen anyway.

Chiswick resident Patricia Queen said that she saw workmen beheading the carefully created snowmen on Monday morning.

She said: “There were at least 50 snowmen plus igloos that children and loving parents had struggled to build.

Mrs Queen said that she was “shocked” and asked them what was going on.

“It is to protect the grass was the feeble reply. What is going on? What are we paying our taxes for?” she said.

Aha – we could be on to a scandal here. Has a snowman beheading levy been snuck with the last council tax rise perhaps? Let’s hear what the Local Government Association has to say for itself.

The Local Government Association, which represents councils in England and Wales, said that nowhere in its health and safety guidelines does it say that snowmen and igloos pose a threat. A spokesman said: “It is certainly not the policy of local government to persecute snowmen.”

So who is behind this spate of snow creature head chopping? Unconfirmed reports that I have just made up, say a man closely resembling Aled Jones was seen running from the scene of the latest decapitation, muttering Try walking in the air now, you frigid carrot-nosed Foster-drinking ball of ice.

Oh Aled, Aled… (Shakes head in sadness.)

This has been a post for the Loose Bloggers Consortium on the theme wait. You can find what the other members came up with by going to the right hand side of the screen and scrolling down to their links.

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18 Comments

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18 responses to “Beheading snowmen

  1. Maybe the snowmen are being demolished because they don’t have planning permission?

  2. Unconfirmed reports that I have just made up, say the snowman should have been built on a brown field site!

  3. We must organize. It is the moral duty of all good Presbyterians to come to the assistance of snowmen and prevent this genocide. It may seem a vain attempt. Head hunters AND global warming. This is not an excuse for inaction and we pray that the Holy Spirit will fortify us in the effort. PS What do they call Spanish snowmen – Ice Cubans !

  4. 29

    Many theories but only I actually know. This is a covert plan by the LLF ie the Ladies Liberation Front; next snowfall there will have to be an equal gender distribution, for every snowman a snowlady (note, not a snowwoman because even that is not acceptable, one would have to go one step further and say snowperson/snowperdaughter ie in the case of a small structure or to make it less unwieldy a snowchild.
    One useful aspect of this council campaign is that it will give the council employees who are/are not, famous for their speedy operations a chance to pit their skill and speed against that of the sun. Imagine a squad arriving in a park complete with their guillotine, their tumbril (fair’s fair, if built on a path the snowman would have to be transferred to grass to allow for legal execution) only to find that the sun had beaten them to it.
    Tis a far far better thing I do etc.

  5. I can’t wait for the aftermath. I hope that you will keep us informed.

  6. “Unconfirmed reports that I have just made up…”

    I love it!

  7. Uuugh, reminds me of the night creatures ’round her who go ’round knocking mailboxes of the stand.

    Blessings – Maxi

  8. To protect the grass? What a lame excuse…
    By the way, Calvin & Hobbes is my favorite cartoon!

  9. Ooooh! Poor snowmen! Take a saw to the council workers and chop off the legs that are kicking those innocent snowy snowmen down! Quickly! Mobilise the chain saws and arm the snowmen 😉

  10. Snowmen are fine folk. Why would people want to harm them? Sure they can be kind of cold, but that’s just how they are.
    I love all the snowmen stuff in the “Calvin and Hobbes” comics. That’s always been my favorite parts.

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