You see Barbara? It's not all dogs here.
Not that I’d know myself, you understand. Well, er, except maybe a wee bit… I guess it applies to agents too.
Jonny Geller‘s piece in the Guardian this week pulled back the curtain of euphemism and laid bare the squatting toad of honesty. He’s been tweeting the real meaning of phrases that publishers use to say Get Stuffed under the hashtag #publishingeuphemisms – glib phrases translated below:
“this is too literary for our list” (it’s boring)
“the novel never quite reached the huge potential of its promise” (your pitch letter was better than the book)
“sadly we are publishing a book similar to this next spring” (it too has a beginning, middle and end)
“You should join Twitter” (we are not spending a dime on your publicity) – that one came from the US
“do you think we need the back story? (I hated the first twenty chapters.)
“Just a couple of tiny changes needed.” (I’m about to send you 27 pages of edits.)
“Intelligent” (author has 3 GCSEs)
“Fiercely intelligent” (one of them is in maths)
“meticulously crafted” (anal)
Blackwatertown 
but take heart fellow writers, bloggers, alcohol soaked wordsmiths, many great pieces of work are rejected and go on to be literary masterpieces.
My favourite of course.:
‘for your own sake do not publish this book,…. Lady Chatterly’s lover by D.H.Lawrence
Wow. I posted same topic yesterday.
If I’d realised I would have linked to it. But I wrote this a bit in advance of it going up. So here’s the link now (because you were too polite to add it to your own comment).
http://carldagostino.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/manuscript-rejection-letter-by-carl-dagostino/
This came at a really good/bad time Paul….I am trying to pick up my courage to send book ideas to Publishers. I have a huge fan following….my family and LBC…..who seem to think that a publisher will happily sign me on. Do you think this is enough?
Love it.
The beauty of the internet is that you are your own publisher and can keep stuff up to the minute.
The shame is that it doesn’t pay and you’re not guaranteed readers. So writers will continue to have to put up with the above cant for the forseeable future, I’m afraid.
.
“Hard-hitting”
= We can’t afford a libel lawyer
Good one.
Oh gosh! Now that’s scary! What do they actually say if they like it!?
“Not what we’re looking for at this time” Hmm, guess only manuscripts of past or future need apply.
Blessings – Maxi
“this is too literary for our list” – Did someone send a War & Peace type epic to Mills & Boon?
Yes, the slush pile. Sad fact is, all you aspiring writers out there: Just because it’s your baby doesn’t mean that the doctor (sorry, publisher) won’t declare it “stillborn”. An expression I use by way of metaphor rather than euphemism.
U
Cracking up at the post and various responses. Just last week I received a rejection letter from a literary agent that was a sales pitch! Translated it said:
“Not interested in your manuscript right now. But if you buy my book on pitching your project, would love you to resubmit and we’ll have another look-see.”
Thank you very much, but I think not!
How very generous of them. Perhaps you could reply:
“Not interested in your book right now. But if you can do something with this manuscript, I’m prepared to reconsider.”
I love it! And by the way…
…I guess the Universe decided to show me a thing or two today as my manuscript was picked up by a literary agent — whoohoo! I can’t share the details right now, but you may well imagine that I’m over the moon!
Fantastic news.
I’m taking credit for it – the bizarre power of this blog made it happen.
Other readers take note!
Congratulations.
Love it.
What’s sauce for the goose …
.
Publishers have the most amazing euphemisms for “Piss off, we’re not interested”. But what amazes me more is the number of books that are actually published despite being badly written, rambling, boring etc etc. It’s rare to find a book that’s so well written you don’t want it to end.
That’s a very interesting point. Not all that complimentary to the idiots who use these phrases?
/
I must be luckier than you in my reading choices, because it’s not unusual that I find myself enjoying someone’s writing so much that I regret reaching the end.
After ‘squatting toad of honesty’ I pretty much gave up on what followed. As it will never be a issue ‘here’ as to what publishers write.
Now the ‘squatting toad of honesty’ I just can’t get out of my mind.
The squatting toad of honesty salutes you.
J K Rowling apparently had a dozen rejections of the first Harry Potter book
so just think how those publishers must have felt subsequently.
Re euphemisms, do they not help to smooth one’s passage through life….or even in death. I remember about 30 years ago seeing in the Lancet a small glossary of obituary comments with their translations. Two I can remember,
‘perfectionist’ = a total pain in the posterior, and ‘did not suffer fools gladly’ =
an absolute bully.
My theory on euphemisms for death is that it’s a northern thing – prevalent in less demonstrative societies. I could go on, but I already have – here https://blackwatertown.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/long-shot-kick-de-bucket/
Great post! I love the insight.