She should have married Arthur

She’s just realised she should have married Arthur instead of Philip.

The Diamond Jubilee could have been so different, if only HM Queen Elizabeth II had married miners’ leader Arthur Scargill instead of Philip.

That’s the view from Daley Bread – scene of my unfortunate mistake and then my embarrassing retraction. I’ve since realised it’s a fount of wisdom about the world.

And the view from behind the sandwich counter is this:

The Queen should have married Arthur Scargill. Then we’d have someone to fight for and someone to fight for us.

The working class have been squeezed out of the picture. It could have been so different.

Or would it have been? Arthur Scargill and Prince Philip are not as different as you might think.

  1. They’re both known for cutting themselves on their sharp tongues. Philip: To then dictator of Paraguay, General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”Arthur: “Only a fool wants a confrontation and only a fool wants a strike.”
  2. Prince Philip with coal smeared over his face to conceal his true identity.

    They’ve both shovelled coal. Arthur down Woolley Colliery. Philip in the boiler room of the RMS Empress of Russia.

  3. Philip was mentioned in despatches for his role in the Battle of Cape Matapan. Arthur was renowned for his defiance at the Battles of Satley Gate and Orgreave.
  4. Arthur was branded “the enemy within”. Philip’s relations and sisters were barred from his wedding because of their German connections.
  5. Both have been smeared in connection with the British secret services – Arthur accused of taking bribes from LibyaPhilip of ordering the killing of Princess Diana.
  6. Arthur Scargill covering his face to avoid being recognised during the diamond jubilee celebrations.

    Philip is a prince. Arthur was dubbed “King Arthur” by his supporters.

  7. Both followed in their fathers’ footsteps. Philip is a prince like his dad. Arthur was a miner like his dad.

Blimey! It’s like The Prince and the Pauper. They’re doppelgangers who could have swapped places at any point over the past 40 or so years.

Who knows? Maybe they did!

Arthur? Or is it really Philip?

Perhaps that was Philip striding up and down in front of the line of police riot shields. Look closely now. Squint. You see it? Can’t rule it out , can you? Which means Arthur could be the one to blame for those slitty eyes comments.

It also suggests that the Queen has been… Well… Indulging in a bit of monarch a trois.

(I thought I had invented that phrase. Oh clever me. But someone else got their first. And has actually managed to photograph a monarch a trois happening. Bit unexpected. I won’t mention which monarchs they are. And as this is a family blog, you’ll have to click here to see the photo.)

Of course, neither Arthur nor Philip are a patch on the Princess Elizabeth’s dashing escort in Belfast.



Filed under life

30 responses to “She should have married Arthur

  1. Oh Lordy – the Queen looks like a crotchety sour puss!

    • blackwatertown

      She was hoping for a diamond. She received a lump of coal.
      “Hang on love,” says Arthur. “It’s getting there.”

  2. do you really think P. Phillip involved in Diana’s death; interesting; what a tragedy; liked your post; as someone across the pond, i keep thinking all that money for a celebration could be feeding someone.

    • blackwatertown

      Not really, though her partner Dodi’s Da seemed to think so. Eoin McNamee wrote a strangely compelling book about Diana’s death. Here’s the link McNamee is one of my favourite writers.

  3. The only queen that counts in my book is the one that goes along with K, J , 10,9 or 8.

  4. Paul!! What an outstanding piece of investigative journalism! The monarch a trois was mundane…not as sensational as expected.

    • blackwatertown

      Those weren’t for nothing.
      I presume your comments about the monarch a trois link are a feeble attempt to deter curious readers from witnessing the full enormity of what is revealed.

  5. Paul, you have overlooked one important consideration: If the Queen had married Arthur what would her children look like, not least Prince Charles?


    • blackwatertown

      I was chatting about this while waiting for a bacon and cheese toastie this afternoon. No real conclusion was reached, but Andrew seems the best bet to have been fathered by Arthur rather than Philip. Bit fuller figured.
      Prince Harry? Now there’s another story.

  6. Also: Each of them went through an ill-advised comb-over phase.

  7. From chalk to cheese, glad I missed both those buses!

    • blackwatertown

      Their loss – and the country’s loss. You’ll never be Queen now. Though you might stand a chance at becoming President.

  8. rummuser

    Associating with Indian flimdom has got your creative juices overflowing BWT. Great piece of writing and the link is out of this world. Thanks.

  9. She could even have married Arthur Askey. He would have been a lot funnier than Philip. And he would have livened up the State Opening of Parliament no end.

    • blackwatertown

      No way. Haven’t you heard the rumour that Arthur Askey was in fact the Queen Mother? Or vice versa. Private Eye magazine used to point out that they were never seen in the same room together – suggesting that they were one and the same person.

  10. ROTFL….Great post..! A right royal giggle 😉 I’m sure the Queen would have been most flattered by that grouchy, grumpy photo lol but then again…I can quite understand that the thought of being married to A/S would be enough to create that effect and oh. so…so much worse! I take it, based on this post that it is the delectable A/S in hospital with a bladder infection?! Excellent way to avoid being recognised 😉

    • blackwatertown

      Actually the thought that it’s really Arthur Scargill in hospital instead of Philip might indeed cheer up a lot of royalists.

      • Good point 🙂 However, if A/S was in fact the one in hospital and not Philip…it does beg the question “Where is Philip?!!” or even more worryingly “Who is Philip with since he is most certainly not with his royal wife?!!” 😉

      • blackwatertown

        You have me stumped.
        Suggestions anyone?

  11. Nigel

    HRH Prince Charles and I are about the same age, and I do (I am told) passable imitations of the Heir to the Throne. On that basis I can with authority deny that Arfur S. has had any involvement in that quarter.

    • blackwatertown

      Readers can judge for themselves Nigel’s resemblance to Prince Charles by looking here

      • Nigel

        To set the record straight and to save embarrassment at Buck House and here at Reactionary Towers, I was at pains to say “imitations” of HRH and not resemblance. The Royals have enough trouble with imposters as it is; I am not so troubled.

      • blackwatertown

        OK OK – you’ll have to record a YouTube clip then to convey the convincing nature of the imitation.
        (And it had better not just be her wave.)

  12. Nigel

    Erm, come to think of it, Arthur is one of Charles’s many Christian names…..

  13. 29

    Arthur Scargill; is he still with us? Not my cup of tea but you have to admire him. Any man with a life-time job as head of the miners and a large Jag, who at no risk to his own position can persuade thousands to risk their livelihoods and lose them must have some talent.

    • blackwatertown

      Though he wasn’t the one to start the last big strike – and neither was he able to persuade enough to join in later on.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s