How to be a Christmas cracker

To keep you going till Friday, here are some top tips of how to win friends and influence people this festive season. In other words – how to be a Christmas cracker.

1. Challenge your friends to these ten bets you cannot lose. (Unless they read this post.) Up to you what you wager – mince pies, whiskey, truth, dare or embarrassing forfeit?

2. Confound gender stereotyping by presenting gifts of toy guns to girls and dolls to boys – as recommended by this Swedish toy catalogue.

Actually, that’s not quite fair. They’re portraying the toys as gender neutral, rather than suggesting one sort of toy should be for girls and one for boys. But still – the pictures did not look at all as odd to me as I was expecting.

Oh no! I’ve become irredeemably right-on. On the other hand…

3. To redeem myself. I’ve been driving around with a 72-pint barrel of beer in the boot (trunk). How manly.

Not a full one obviously. Mostly drunk by now. Oh, and there was the little matter of the tap coming loose and the barrel leaking. Leaking over the boot. Swilling around. Pooling in the spare wheel cavity. How stinky.

If I get stopped by the police it’ll be very difficult to persuade them that I’m absolutely sober behind the wheel.

4. And finally. You remember how I callously sent Top Boy out hiking into the hard rain, iciness, windiness and mist? Some of you (ie Nigel) were wondering how he got on – especially considering that he had to have special permission to take part as he was underage – the youngest competitor in the overnight competition. It was nasty weather – you may have seen it mentioned on the news this week – and many teams and individuals pulled out during the competition. The Grimsdyke Hike. Grim by name. Grim by nature. But – and you can probably guess where this is leading – guess who won the Senior Competition? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He and his Scout team mates rule.

It’s okay to boast about someone else’s achievement, isn’t it?

Look. I had to tell someone.

So I thought I might as well tell everyone.



Filed under friends, In the village

10 responses to “How to be a Christmas cracker

  1. Nigel

    That is splendid news about the achievement of young Waters and his scouting chums- well done all round! In the circumstances I think that they should be permitted to finish off the contents of the Rebellious barrel that has caused problems in your car boot- and on a certain kitchen floor the other evening. Do you recall Jona Lewie’s “ You’ll always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties”? An excellent song and lyrics.
    I love the piano music with the video.

  2. Oh no! A leaky keg, all that lost joy, the untold stories while liftin’ a mug, the silent laughter…
    Blessings ~ Maxi

  3. 29

    Congrats to top boy and his scout group.
    Interesting video…the bet with the 2 glasses of liquid on the backs of the hands followed by running omitted the second ‘followed by’, a dig in the gub or the serious risk thereof.

  4. Congratulations to the amazing top boy and all his scout troop members for completing the course in such dreadful weather. I like the games in the video and will be trying these out on friends in the weeks ahead…. that is if I can remember them.
    A boot full of booze…. How many people did you manage to get in there for the party?

  5. rummuser

    Grit would appear to run in the family! Congratulations to the young lad and to his very obviously proud father.

  6. Hello! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new phone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to new posts. Keep it up.

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