My boyfriend boils his balls for me

Consideration for others can be shown in various ways. Holding open a door for them. Giving them your seat on the bus. Boiling your balls for them.
Say what?! Wait a minute…My boyfriend boils his balls for me

It’s true. It may even be true love. Melody Datz is a lucky lucky girl, because her boyfriend boils his balls for her.

Not in a euphemistic – hey, don’t go boiling my balls – type of way. (Not even to the tune of that Kiki Dee & Elton John duet. Know the one I mean?) We’re talking high temperature testicular torture – literally.

True love is shown in many ways. Here’s an insight into one way to turn up the temperature.

For seven nights out of every month, my boyfriend soaks his balls in a bathtub of 118-degree water for 45 minutes. He crams his six-foot-four frame into our claw-foot bathtub and sweats profusely as a constant stream of hot water slowly kills off enough sperm to render him infertile for the next few weeks.

The ball-intensive approach to the war on sperm—the heat method my boyfriend and I use—is great if you can put in the time and energy, but not many people really want to do this. The water in a hot tub rarely exceeds 104 degrees (or shouldn’t). Sperm-killing water must stay above 116 degrees—FOR 45 MINUTES. This means sitting in a tub (or in a sitz bath or on something really hot) for a long time while continually monitoring the temperature to make sure it’s high enough to zap the little bastards. My boyfriend downs a couple of pitchers of ice water during every bath. And, again, it’s incredibly time-intensive—45 minutes out of every evening for a week out of every month, not to mention the time it takes to run the water and cool down afterward.

I’m really not recommending you copy this yourself, but I really AM recommending you read the full article in the Seattle newspaper The Stranger. It’s about men sharing responsibility. It’s gruesomely fascinating – and interesting about the politics, practicalities and future of conception and contraception. Though oddly, after all the scorching scrotum soaking, there’s not much about sex. (I guess one might not be in the mood.) So it’s a suitable read for everyone.

squeamishApart from squeamish men, of course.

Or to be more concise…

Apart from men.

(And Irish readers may be shocked. The very idea of leaving the immersion heater on so long. Good God. Angela Merkel would never stand for it.)

Amidst the comments left below the original article, was this epic piece of advice from someone calling themselves AlaskanbutnotSeanParnell, who said:

If you are trying to save time by microwaving your balls, remember to puncture them first with a fork.

Wise words indeed. That’s the sort of comment that is welcome here.

Meanwhile, wanna see a dog that looks like Putin? It’s here.

This whole Wait One Minute was Grannymar’s idea. She and the rest of the Loose Bloggers Consortium have also been spouting off on the topic. You’ll find them by clicking on their names: Ramana, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, Maxi, Maria SF, Padmum, Rohit,Shackman, The Old Fossil and Will.

This kind of dangle dunking isn’t for everyone, but we’ve all done crazy things for love or …. I’d love to hear your stories of the bizarre lengths to which you’ve gone to impress someone.

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20 Comments

Filed under D - Loose Bloggers Consortium, Uncategorized

20 responses to “My boyfriend boils his balls for me

  1. I took an easier way out to show my love for my woman BWT. If these blokes and their women want to go this route, who are you and I to stop them? Who knows? They may all end up as heroes in epics sometime in the future. Now, there is an idea for you for your next novel.

  2. I LOVE the microwaving shortcut 🙂 Brilliant!!

  3. Póló

    Reminded me of what was then one of the most daring of the seaside postcards of my day.
    http://bit.ly/16KORXK

  4. I wouldn’t fancy that myself. Both excruciating and libido-draining, I would have thought. I just wonder why it’s taken so many years to come up with a male version of the contraceptive pill. Because men want women to deal with the possible side-effects and not themselves?

    • blackwatertown

      I think you’ve nailed it.
      And also – thinking of your libido-draining comment – never mind being put off sex forever – the whole concept of having a bath is now runined. Ruined I tell ya!

  5. Now I know why I really missed you blogging along with us!

    Have to admit that Póló wins a special prize!

  6. Now, that’s an article. Wow!

  7. I’ve heard of crooked accountants “cooking the books” but this is “nuts”.

  8. Oh Wolf!!! I am so glad you’re back!! This is a masterpiece lol 😉 That title alone should get it onto the Freshly Pressed page 😀 The graphics are brilliant too, haven’t laughed so much in aeons!
    Ah yes…Vladmir Poochin 😉 Hope the Russian President has a sense of humour or someone’s going to be in a lot of trouble! I saw one or two others in that “vein”…I think they had David Cameron and a Blood hound for example 😀

    • blackwatertown

      I guess an alternative title could have been Unsung Hero. That’s what this bloke is.
      Well, not quite unsung, but still anonymous.
      Hmm… all this talk about him being unsung – the treatment he’s undergoing may leave him unhung.

  9. Heya – thanks for posting my article on your blog! And yes–my boyfriend *is* a hero, but please assure your readers: he is rendered bereft of neither libido nor equipment as a result of these baths…well, not that he’s particularly in the mood for a roll in the hay right after a bath…anyhow, thanks for reading and discussing.
    Best,
    Melody Datz

    Here’s a link to excellent article about male birth control: http://daily.sightline.org/blog_series/burning-rubbers/

    • blackwatertown

      Welcome Melody. Phew! What a relief – to us all – and you – and him. Thanks for the further information – and for the original article.
      Cheers

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