You don’t need a cellphone to talk through your arse, but it helps…

More like this here:

More like this here:

The old days: Thought in head. Speech through mouth.

The old days: Cell phone off. Someone might call me. With work. Wouldn’t want that. “How come you never answer your mobile?” Switch it on to call other people. Quickly switch if off again. Occasionally lend it to soldiers on duty at “incidents” or outbreaks of “bother” to let them call back home to Britain – in exchange for them giving access or information. Otherwise peace. Quiet. Meeting someone? Make an arrangement and stick to it.

These days: Cell phone on. Someone might call me. With work.  Freelance. Keen. And on duty to respond to emergencies like forgotten PE kit, after school activities with the bus long gone. Emails. Audio recording. Writing. Maps. Twitter. Facebook. Etc. Etc. If only it came with a pillow I could sleep on it.

These days: No need for any thought in head. Adjust sitting position. Then, using either buttock, accidentally trigger cell phone and dial a random person in phone’s address book. Nothing to it. You’re talking through your arse.  That’s progress for ya. Just pray your backside hasn’t dialled Australia.

Or the police. Really. Apparently the technical term is “butt dialling”. Who knows what confidential conversations your butt might decide to share with your last number dialled. (A story for another time – or perhaps the comments. Anybody?)

butt dial

This post on mobile telephony is for the Loose Bloggers Consortium. You’ll find them by clicking on their names if they’re not asnwering their cell phones – Ramana, Delirious, gaelikaa, Grannymar, MaxiPadmumShackman and The Old Fossil.



Filed under D - Loose Bloggers Consortium

30 responses to “You don’t need a cellphone to talk through your arse, but it helps…

  1. Póló

    I have my keylock kick in pretty fast, after having got burned once.

  2. Butt dialing and asspionage! You are like wine. You are improving with LBC postings.

  3. I use my mobile around three times a year. I just don’t have the hectic kind of life where I need to be in constant contact with a hundred people. It’s a very peaceful existence.

  4. I got my first cell phone 4 months ago. Just to keep in the car for emergency. It still has not made it to the car. Made 3 calls with it so far and the battery is never charged.

    • blackwatertown

      I’m imagining those calls…
      1. Hello, I’m on my new phone…
      2. Hello, I’m just checking it’s still working…
      3. Hello, I’m… Ok Ok Sorry, I’ll stop calling you already.

  5. Having called somebody occidentally, and NO, I do not keep my mobile in a back pocket, I now have the first entry in my contacts as ABC without a number, it saves calling anyone by accident!

  6. Love that cartoon HH, made my day.
    blessings ~ maxi

  7. (true Story) a few months back I dropped my Blackberry down the toilet while trying to wee & text at the same time.It never worked again.Liberation!

    • blackwatertown

      Yeeees… It’s the experimentation you had to go through to confirm it had really stopped working that bothers me.
      Are you sure it was really kaput – or were you holding it so far from your ear that you couldn’t hear anything. (Not that I blame you. Considering….)

  8. Asspionage and butt calling – a match made in electronic heaven. Who woulda think we’d get here

  9. My phone died a month ago and it took over a week to select and receive replacement.

    It was very pleasant to be non-contactable.

    More than pleasant actually. Refreshing and recharging.

  10. Haha, “butt dialing”! Are you talking from experience? 😉

    • blackwatertown

      I have both given and received.

      Afriend of mine did a spectacularly unfortunate one and it was doubly funny because of his name and the name of his wife. Unfortunately he’s popped up in the UK news occasionally and I feel he needs no added finger-pointing at the moment. (Tempting though, tempting…)

  11. I am a receivee of the buttcall. Fellow was in a car fighting with his wife. I was riveted for 10 minutes.
    they broke up subsequently.
    I’m not surprised.

    • 29

      Never had a buttcall, on the other hand I have suffered from potcalling. Possibly the kettle deserved it.

    • blackwatertown

      Eek painful. Were you cited as the other woman?
      I can just imagine the courtroom dialogue…
      “How do you plead?”
      “Not guilty your honour, it was just a buttcall.”

  12. Send this to my brother-in-law! It has become a family automatic response, “Who is calling? Oh, Charlie. Probably a butt dial …”

    If he can’t figure out how to lock the phone, we may have to lock his butt in the closet!

    • blackwatertown

      Now we’re getting into the weird stuff.

      Locking butts in closets. That can’t be right, especially after all the hard work that’s gone into getting them out of the closet.

  13. How does the whole butt dialing even work, I wonder? My phone closes, so the buttons aren’t accessible to my bottom, plus I don’t make it a habit to sit on my phone. But, I have an old cell phone, the kind that doesn’t have Internet access even. Maybe mine doesn’t have the butt feature, either.

  14. Dear friend!

    I’ve recently visited a very interesting place, good wishes, blog.advice

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