All life’s important questions answered

Black Santa of Belfast

You’re asking: What is THE DARK SECRET? Where does Santa Claus live? Is world peace possible? And who won that tricky competition?

Read on and be enlightened…

1. Where does Santa Claus live? It’s not the North Pole. It’s not Greenland. Or Lapland. Or anywhere Scandinavian. Father Christmas – Santa – lives in Ireland. In Belfast

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Halloween – Should I stay or should I go now?

Scariest pumpkin I’ve seen. Not – I repeat NOT – at my house. If you’re visiting this blog from outside the British Isles, just google Jimmy Savile and BBC, or… I dunno… much loved national treasure, knight of the realm, papal knight – any of those – then you’ll understand.

Halloween – it’s tonight. But I have no children at home.

So – should I get the hell out of Dodge? Or sit waiting for the doorbell to ring? (The latter feels a bit lurkish.)

Last year I was thinking of three-headed dogs. Usually I’m out with the door knockers. Feels odd to be lying in wait. (See? Sounds dodgy, doesn’t it. And lying in wait with sweets sounds even worse.)

It’s time to lighten the mood, pep up the tone. A banana should do it, huh? A Halloween banana…

What have you dressed up as for Halloween? I was a Grim Reaper once – eerie but not really pushing any boundaries. Though I was a carrot one Christmas. I began as one of a bunch – but the others faded. It was a good night out in Dublin.

Anyway – time is passing – I’d better make plans. In case the little beggars start turning up early. (See below.)