What I’ve learned

Its been tumultuous in Blackwatertown Towers lately. Normal service will soon be resumed. Once we establish just what the new normality will look like. But in the meantime, I’ll share with you some of what I’ve learned lately.

Yes, it looks like a roof slate because that's what it is. (You get a shiny medal for Sport Relief.) The glamorous person holding the slate/trophy is presenter Rachael Hodges, flanked by "the prestigious" Richard Bacon, and me. I didn't think the beer bottle would be in the picture. Missing from the line-up are top guru Louise Birt, indefatigable Garth Brameld, podcaster Harri Ritchie and inspirational listeners Jon Hillier and the Digger. The award was for the Special Half Hour - SHH.

1. I haven’t completely lost it, thank God. I’ve just left the BBC after many years, but can proudly brandish two new awards. The first one is the highly prestigious Most Innovative Programme Award from the admittedly slightly obscure annual Audio and Music Awards. I shared it for a radio show I produced up until Christmas. The award-winning bit was the Special Half Hour – SHH – of which it was an honour and a privilege to be part. (Rule No. 1 You don’t talk about the Special Half Hour. But it’s been axed, so I dare to speak of it.)  The second is the also prestigious and much better known Sport Relief Mile. My running partner and I distinguished ourselves by completing the three mile (Count ’em! 3!) circuit before any of the six milers crossed the finish line. (Question: For which award did I contribute more to the sum of goodness in the world?)
2. Whenever someone claims to be the first to ever do something, they’re wrong.

Advertisement

Red Cow

Click on the pic for more top design from Mexico.

This big red cow and other smooth Mexican export stamps by Rafael Davidson, come from Ranger Mike.

Avoid This Job: An alternative jobs website. But only if you’re really really desperate or sufficiently unusual. Hurry now. You may still be in with a chance for the pubic hair trimmer position.

How to beat up an alligator. Well, you just never know, do you? The information might come in handy.

Dotun Adebayo, MBE

And here’s a happy fella. It’s giant of the airwaves, BBC Radio 5 live’s Dotun Adebayo. I’m not a huge fan of these medals, but in your case, Dotun, I’ll make an exception. Check him out on the radio on Up All Night (with “The Mighty” Rhod Sharp) on 5 live or BBC London. Or read the books he publishes, including the iconic Yardie, at the X Press. Watch his internet TV channels at Colourtelly. Or live it up at his Lovers Rock club nights. The man is too impressive. But what you must remember above all else is this. If you ever meet him, be sure to ask him when the dental phone-in is. (He’ll be delighted to tell that it’s scheduled for two thirty. Geddit?) Then run.

Finally a list of rules to live by. Especially if you’re a young lady. Here’s a small sample to reassure you how vital these top tips are:

• Don’t have any pity for flies and insects – kill them

• Woolen undergarments are a most prolific source of mischief

• You are safer in kissing a person with consumption than you are in wetting your finger to turn over the pages of a book

They may be 100 years old. But as relevant today as they were then.