She should have married Arthur

She’s just realised she should have married Arthur instead of Philip.

The Diamond Jubilee could have been so different, if only HM Queen Elizabeth II had married miners’ leader Arthur Scargill instead of Philip.

That’s the view from Daley Bread – scene of my unfortunate mistake and then my embarrassing retraction. I’ve since realised it’s a fount of wisdom about the world.

And the view from behind the sandwich counter is this:

The Queen should have married Arthur Scargill. Then we’d have someone to fight for and someone to fight for us.

The working class have been squeezed out of the picture. It could have been so different.

Or would it have been? Arthur Scargill and Prince Philip are not as different as you might think.

1. They’re both known for cutting themselves on their sharp tongues. Philip: To then dictator of Paraguay, General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”Arthur: “Only a fool wants a confrontation and only a fool wants a strike.”
2. 

   Prince Philip with coal smeared over his face to conceal his true identity.

   They’ve both shovelled coal. Arthur down Woolley Colliery. Philip in the boiler room of the RMS Empress of Russia.

3. Philip was mentioned in despatches for his role in the Battle of Cape Matapan. Arthur was renowned for his defiance at the Battles of Satley Gate and Orgreave.
4. Arthur was branded “the enemy within”. Philip’s relations and sisters were barred from his wedding because of their German connections.
5. Both have been smeared in connection with the British secret services –

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Is this the best job in the world?

Is this the best job in the world?

No – I’m not talking about looking after that island off the Queensland coast. According to the bloke who won the competition to do it, it wasn’t as much fun as he’d expected. It tired him out. Too much blogging too.

And it’s not this massage man either.  As he says himself, he doesn’t even get to belong to a trade union and he has to work all hours.  (Question: Should I have embedded the video in this post? Or is it too saucy? Or just funny? Let me know. Really.  I have to keep tabs on my Charlotte Rampling rating.)

He longs for his own little desk. And no wonder. He must have heard of this person. The person I met last week. The person who really does have the best job in the world.

He – or she – works in a British government department of diminishing importance with nobody you’ve ever heard of in charge. Best not say exactly which one. It’s somewhere round