July 28, 2011 · 11:57 pm
Do you get calls from school like this?
SCHOOL: Is it ok for your son to hold a duck egg, while wearing gloves?
I’ve lived in shared houses where the phone only received calls – a precaution by the landlord to prevent large bills being run up. Sometimes I wish my own home phone only made outgoing calls and couldn’t receive them. It would mean the end of phone spam, courtesy calls, “we’re doing a survey in your area” and… calls from the children’s school.
I’m not talking about the call every parent dreads – serious accident or injury or worse. I’m talking about the call every parent resents – the call that masquerades as serious. This phone call came just after a school trip, before the parent’s son had reached home.
TEACHER: Mrs Morrow, this is Mr E, I have some very grave news about your son.
MUM (panicking): What? What? Is he ok?
TEACHER: Oh yes, but on the school trip at the weekend I lent him 50p and he has not as yet paid me back.
MUM (trying to recover heart rate): Oh you stupid man. <hangs up>
It seems like life or death summons. The truth is teasingly delayed until you race to the rescue. Like with the mother who was told over the phone that her child was “doing as well as can be expected” after being hit in the face with a brick Continue reading →
Filed under In the village, life
Tagged as blackwater, blackwatertown, education, funny, mumsnet, nuisance call, phone call, pocket billiards, school, stuck in the toilet, taylor mali, teachers, village
June 10, 2011 · 12:49 pm
Your embarrassing stories please. There’s an absolute corker at the bottom that will have you weeping. But to start with here’s this one:
I once recorded a rather rude message onto my Ex’s pda and set it as his morning alarm call.
That isn’t embarrassing in itself.
What is embarrassing, is it going off in a packed school assembly when you are a teacher as he’s left his phone in your handbag.
Here’s another short one:
After working a double shift at my part time care home job when I was at university, I came home exhausted. Got myself a into the bath for a long soak before having to head into Uni that afternoon for back to back lectures. I was really enjoying relaxing, eating chocolate buttons, eye gel mask on. When I took the mask off I could see the window cleaner at the window, he’d had a full eyeful! I was mortified.
Ten minutes later, he’d finished and… he knocked at the door to be paid Continue reading →
Filed under life
Tagged as 69, 99, age check, angels, blackwater, blackwatertown, blind, blusd, burp, burping, clematis, clitoris, colloquial, colloquialiams, colloquialism, embarasing, embarassing, embarrasing, embarrassing, embarrassment, excruciating, fart, frank butcher, funny, gym, humiliating, humiliation, ice cream, laugh, mortified, mumsnet, newspaper, poke, press, red, robbie williams, sex, sixty nine, slang, soixante neuf, story, sun, thrush, wedding, window clearner