Romance Not Dead – Official

The wedding invitation had two photos.

On the front were a boy and a girl sitting together on the grass. She’s Su. He’s Wink. Both wearing cowboy hats. Both with whistles. Arms round each other. She’s holding a bunch of flowers and from the way she’s looking at the boy, clearly thinks he’s the best thing since soda bread (or whatever people round here like for breakfast). At the age of, I dunno, six? It’s obvious that they’re best buddies.

Lovely.

Cute.

But it couldn’t last, could it?

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True romance

Gallant Sir Walter - famous for doing things he didn't - like laying his cloak over a puddle in front of Queen Elizabeth (and infamous for doing things he did - the odd forgotten massacre in Ireland - but that's off the subject).

Forget Walter Raleigh.

Forget that pathetic bit at the end of  Four Weddings and a Funeral – “Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.” Pass the sickbag, quick.

This is what I call romantic.

True, it could have gone terribly wrong

Our Royal Wedding Street Party

I only married him cos he looked like you...

The excitement is building. The tiaras are being dusted off. The red, white and blue wigs are being pulled out from the backs of cupboards.

Our street is preparing for a party. We finally found an excuse for a neighbourly shindig. It’s… ah… it’ll come to me…

Oh aye. Kate and William are getting married on Friday and we’re shutting down the area for a tea party. No, not that kind of tea party – the dainty sandwiches type of tea party.

We’ll have the traditional tables up the road, cucumber sandwiches (but with or without the crusts – that’s the dilemma), toasts, nostalgia for an imagined past we never knew and general silliness.

No doubt there’ll be a fair amount of royal-related tat on display. Our mugs from China arrived broken – so they’ll not do as prizes. But do you think them smashing in transit is a bad omen for the royal couple? Or are the bad vibes mitigated by the fact they showed a picture of Harry, not Wills, cosying up to Kate. Maybe it was for the best that the wrong brother and the bride-to-be were sundered.

Not a good likeness.

Not everyone on the road is happy about the party

Shot Through the Sacred Heart

If anyone can find an image that better matches the title of this blog post, preferably something with Jesus in it, please put a link to it in the comments.

I have an identity crisis looming.

It’s all my mate Andrie’s fault.

She says I should consider changing the name of the book.

Panic!

But am I over-reacting?

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The case for the prosecution: