We have lift off…

Watch out for flying motorbikes, Bermondsey Street, London.

I’m taking off – not actually on a flying motorbike Evil Knievel style – but on a plane to Scotland.

(Yes, yes, I know, I’m personally responsible for killing the planet. At least I’m getting the train back.)

So I’ll be even less responsive than the poor performance lately.

But it’ll give me the opportunity to – read my kindle. Assuming it works. The first one didn’t. I’ll be taking the replacement.

It’s about time I had one, given that I’ve been urging you to download the ebook I’ve written – but could only read myself on my computer. Cheeky, huh? But I’ve now rectified the situation.

The “gripping” ebook is called The Obituarist by the way. You can download it for pc, mac. kobo, nook, device, tablet, etc here from Smashwords, or for kindle here from Amazon.co.uk or here from Amazon.com.

As for me, having read The Point in print, I’ll be catching up with Wee Rockets and other work by Gerard Brennan and Dickens.

The trip will also give me the opportunity to distribute some of the NEW and exciting business cards for The Obituarist that arrived today. I also ordered a few postcards too. So if you know anyone who might be swayed by a postcard entreating them to download an ebook, let me know. You can email me their address if you don’t want to put it in a comment – paulwaters99 AT hotmail.com

Just think of their delighted surprise and happy faces when

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The awesome power of nine-year-olds

Got a nine-year-old? Know any? Then watch out. They’re not to be messed with.

They have reach, power and influence beyond what you’d ever imagine.

Check these two out.

1. Nine-year-old Martha Payne from Argyll in western Scotland. Her school dinners aren’t great. Not very tasty, not very healthy, not very much. So she started taking photos like this…

Appetising? No?

and posting them on her blog www.NeverSeconds.blogspot.com .  Just one totey wee little blog that no one will ever notice.

Oh really? After almost no time at all, the local council (which runs the school catering) and the Scottish government are having to defend themselves to every media organisation. And defend themselves with a rictus grin. Because it doesn’t do to be cross or dismissive with a nine-year-old girl who just wanted to do an interesting writing project. (At least, not in public.)

Somewhere in Argyll there’s a teacher who gave permission for Martha to bring her camera into Lochgilphead primary school who’s either hugging him/herself with glee, or else worried about future employment prospects

When TV goes wrong…

Excessive pizza toppings transform Tibet's spiritual leader

Ever told a joke that fell completely flat? Happens to me all the time.

But at least I haven’t done it on live television.

Ever wondered what you’d say to the Dalai Lama if you met him? Well, here’s a tip. Don’t copy this guy coming up.

And have you ever mixed up a work colleague with a leading Nazi? That was a rhetorical question by the way. Obviously we’ve all done that. But probably not on

The Romans? Were they Italian?

What I want from a musician is a bit of chat between songs. A bit of meandering banter. Destination digression. And does anyone lead into a song better than

A creature great in smalls

I love clever newspaper headlines.  Is this the new daddy of them all?

A creature great in smalls

It’s all here – cheese, politics, a Gandhi joke and the best headline of all time

Thanks to Virus Comix for the cheese.

Politics time now.

This is not about rights and wrongs – but analysis of the raw data. In the US mid term elections, who swung the most from the Democrats to the Republicans? Kevin Drum at Mother Jones has this to say:

First things first: In 2006 Democrats won the popular vote for the House of Representatives by about 8 points. In 2010, Republicans won the popular vote by about 6 points. That’s a shift of 14 points. There are plenty of broad structural explanations for this—the economy, dislike of health care reform, whatever—but beyond that, we’d also like to know if there were any specific groups that helped power this Republican victory. Was it the youth vote? The evangelicals? What?

To find out, you have to look for groups that swung by substantially more or less than 14 points. So here they are. Based on a comparison of 2006 and 2010 exit polls, here are the demographic groups that showed the biggest swing into the Republican column this year:

• Nonvoters from 2008 (+56)

But I ordered the lobster

I was at the memorial service for former BBC broadcasting colleague Allan Robb today (9th November). Allan died earlier this year. The service at All Souls in London was lovingly well organised, poignant and joyous.

People spoke – very aptly. One, his old friend Nicky Campbell, told this story (apologies for any inaccuracies on my part): Nicky and Allan were out one day when Allan collapsed in the street. An ambulance arrived and after some effort, Nicky managed to chivvy Allan inside. Pleased to have a new audience for his stories, Allan entertained the ambulance crew en route to hospital. On arrival Allan was decanted and wheeled to a ward, whereupon some “four day old NHS mush” was presented to him.

Never failing to rise to the occasion, Allan immediately responded: “But I ordered the lobster.”

Thanks to the organisers – and Allan – for a great day. It was lovely to see old friends and remember.

It’s all gone soft…

I think this means she loves me, rather than she loves biscuits. Or maybe both. (My daughter is quite partial to a biscuit.)

Yes, it’s time for a love-in. It’s gonna be a bit Chinese, a bit Scottish, a bit Australian – a bit gooey. Especially the very cute seagoing baby kangaroo. So, here goes…

CHINA: