And the Word was made flesh (and charming with it)…

On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog. Wasn’t there a cartoon to that effect? (Oh yes. There it is.)

Same with internet dating. That six foot blond Viking type you met online may have been literally telling the truth. You only get to see that he’s also six feet wide when you meet face to face. Which is when you also notice that he smells like a Viking who hasn’t washed since they used to rule England. (True, happened to a mate of mate.)

Speaking of smelly Vikings – did you know they used week-old horse wee to kill bugs in their hair? Couldn’t afford combs. It was the amonia in the aged equine urine that turned their hair blonde. Does that make you feel differently about ABBA?

But the main point is this – how can you be sure that anything or anyone on the net is who they say they are?

Or if they even exist at all?

Well, I can now officially confirm that Padmum does exist.

Remember I asked if anyone wanted to come to the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy with me. Padmum – or Padmini as I now call her – immediately put her hand up.

And she came. All the way from Chennai in India. Chennai! In India! With her daughter Nitila. That’s them in the picture. In the flesh

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Little bird on a wire

This is true high adrenalin film making – far from home, forests, rebels lurking, soldiers hunting them, language problems, poisonous snakes, poisonous bees, a shoestring budget and transport via a wire 1,000 feet up.

It’s a mate of mine, Jesse Quinones, and his brother Daniel – they’re Woolfcub Productions.

This intrepid pair are currently somewhere around Guayabetal, Colombia making their film The Cable. They can explain the plot:

The story? In a nutshell, it is about a farming community who live on this mountain, and their only means of transport is a cable, which connects their mountain to another. The cable is approximately 1000 feet high and 400 feet wide.

You can follow their progress as they shoot the film at their blog The Cable. Here’s a little taster of what they’re trying to convey:

The children arrived at around 9 with their father Ruben. The boy was five and the girl was 11. Both were confident and a little excited by our presence. We asked if they felt nervous before going on the cable. ‘No,’ the boy said. ‘It’s normal.’ Ruben clung himself to the cable and then put the boy into a sack. The boy sat their patiently like a pile of potatoes while Ruben latched himself to the girl.

Even though they regard this as normal, I notice that there is an air of anxiety and excitement every single time they embark on the cable. I started to feel very tense myself, especially at the sight of this little boy in there. He was peaking out bravely, telling us again how easy it was. The way the sack fastens to the metal bit is simply by poking a hole through it. So it is hardly secure, especially given that the person riding the cable travels in excess of 100 km per hour. It is a recipe for disaster.

I’m excited and anxious for Jesse and co as I read about their film making – never mind the poor souls who have to live in what sounds like a blighted valley. I hope they return safe. The film should be something to behold.