New proof the Rapture really DID happen

So we’re all laughing at those gullible fools who believed the Rapture was coming at the weekend. We’re all chuckling snootily and snidely down our noses. Ho ho, aren’t we so enlightened, not like those sad losers.

Well the laugh is on you.

No, not because Harold Camping has come up with a new date.

Just because neither you nor any of your mates got taken up into heaven – doesn’t mean nobody else did. Quietly. Without a fuss. While you were all (er, and me, ‘cos I’m still here too) wallowing in your complacency, the “elect” could have been boarding  SpaceShipOne for a one way trip to the celestial heights.

But that’s not it either.

The thing is, the Rapture did happen. But no men with beards were involved – not even Richard Branson. Harold Camping simply got one significant detail wrong. And here’s the proof.

It wasn’t people that were effected, but THINGS. Inanimate objects.

The evidence is all around.

Don’t believe me? Just look.

You see! You see! Paul's socks. They're gone!

So – where’s that other sock then? The top of your biro? House keys – where are they? I could have sworn I put them down just here. And there was definitely a slice of cake in the cupboard. No sign of it now. And no wonder. They’ve all been RAPTURED.

Okay – if you’re determined to be a doubting Thomas, just put your finger inside your wallet and wriggle it around. That’s right. A bit more room inside than you expected. That’s because the contents have been RAPTURED.

Naturally governments across the world are aware of this, but are suppressing it so as not to provoke panic. If people were to discover where all the money has really gone… Well, easier to blame it on bankers’ bonuses.

And the word is that it’s not just objects that got the heavenly call. No. Some other odd phenomena that have gone missing too – Nick Clegg’s popularity, Donald Trump’s momentum and Chelsea’s season. Admittedly the evidence that they ever existed in the first place is a little shaky. But I’m just saying… Anyone got a better explanation?

One thing puzzles me though. I put the bins out at the weekend and they still haven’t been emptied. Guess the Rapture must have somehow overlooked them. Thanks a bunch.

Ah well, they do say the Lord works in mysterious ways.

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “New proof the Rapture really DID happen

  1. Ohhhhhhhhh, what a grand way to end the evening — on a great belly laugh. I LOVE IT!

  2. Yes it is all quite silly. But the old delusional coot identifies one aspect of Christianity that is based on Adventism, that the rapture is at hand but do not set a date. Perhaps you have heard of the “Jesus is Coming” Movement? The rational part is that we should live each moment as though the Lord will appear today. It is a good way to always be prepared for the event by living a Christian lifestyle every day, every moment. A that does make sense. Then it becomes a way of life not an event. If we all live like that, then the Kingdom truly has come. And now it does become an event. Now I will take off my theology hat and return to creating foolish cartoons. Yes one will appear TOMORROW so be prepared.

  3. GOOD NEWS!!!! I just found your sock……………..

  4. Otis P. Driftwood

    My TV remote gets raptured every day.

  5. Sorry about the contents of your wallet. I’ll pay you back next week, honest.

    There was actually a technical fault as the chosen few were raptured up to heaven. They were all copied and the copies were left here on earth. Some kind of automatic back-up hard-drive thingy. Either that or the coach never turned up.

  6. Thanks Roo, needed this laugh.

    Sorry ’bout your bins, maybe next time.

  7. My bins were cleared overnight.

  8. In the U.S. we have something called the clapper. Mine didn’t work:)

    ~Mike

  9. “It wasn’t people that were effected, but THINGS. Inanimate objects.”

    Excellent point and post. A cat was in one of the backyards behind my house howling and screaming half the night, probably giving birth.

    After an hour, it was so loud and often that I called my son to check it out. It was Saturday night and he’s no longer a child. Told me to close the window and turn up the volume on the tv.

    Thank you for the laugh, right on time.

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