Witch-hunts and The Sun

The former political editor of the now-on-a-Sunday-too Sun, Trevor Kavanagh, has been complaining about how investigations into phone hacking and bribing police officers at the newspaper have turned into a witch-hunt.

You may think that’s a bit rich, considering we’re talking about a news organisation that hasn’t been exactly dainty in how it’s treated other people.

But eloquent gurner Charlie Brooker has leapt to the defence of the Sun.

The script of his epic 10 O’Clock Live show rant is reproduced here, thanks to Sturdyblog. And as Sturdyblog says – Enjoy…

Some say it’s rich of The Sun to complain about witch-hunts, because it’s conducted plenty of them itself. But that’s really not fair. The Sun has never once conducted a witch-hunt against actual witches. I mean, okay, it has picked on one or two other groups, like…

Social workers
Women in burqas
Suburban swingers
Gypsies, shirkers
Public sector workers.

Underage mums
Overage mums
Spongers who sit around twiddling their thumbs
Anyone who’s had a fight
Anyone with cellulite
Saggy hooters
Satanists, who take the piss
So-called “expert boffins”
the escorts who let Frank Bough in
Anyone caught cheatin’
Angus Deayton
The England squad, the Goalie’s hands
The manager, the Hillsborough fans.

Speed cameras, reckless drivers
Snotty jobsworths, feckless skivers
Trendy vicars wearing knickers
The cast of EastEnders
Lesley Grantham
Foreigners who can’t sing our national anthem
The French, the Portuguese
The Krauts, the MEPs
Polish Cleaners
Anyone who lives in Spain
Or starts a human rights campaign.
Geeks, freaks, crackers, hackers
Killjoys, pillocks
Toy-boys, Kinnocks
Former men with new vaginas
The local hoody
Jade Goody
Jailbirds, nerds
Troubled song-birds
Long words
And cheating turds –
on disability benefits who don’t seem quite disabled enough for their liking.


Chris Jefferies, Russell Harty,
Members of the Green Party
Anyone who says: “recycle”
Wayward superstar, George Michael
Channel 4, ITV
Channel Five, the BBC
Asylum seekers
(Especially if they snuck into Britain using any kind of vessel)
Katie Waissel
Katie Waissel’s prozzie gran
Emperor Hirohito of Japan.

Zealous coppers
Non-existent feral cats
An innocent man called Robert Murat
The cast of The Only Way Is Essex
The Leveson Inquiry into media ethics
And the occasional supermodel bitches.
But never

That’s alright then. As long they’ve left the witches alone. Especially the sandwiches. They’re my favourite and deserve no villification in the press.



Filed under media

11 responses to “Witch-hunts and The Sun

  1. Sandwiches — I love it!

    I don’t know why, but that brings to mind a client who last week told me she was giving up “toes” for Lent.

    WHAT? I asked (baffled).

    “You know, Fritos, Doritos, and Cheetoes,” she said 🙂

  2. Love it. Saved me shedding a tear.

    This Valentines Day tweet is à propos and one of the subtlest tweets I’ve seen so far.


  3. I better hide. My late husband often said I was a witch!

  4. There is one good thing about the endless list, Paul, you are not there. Unless, I blinked and missed it.

    Blessings – Maxi

  5. Very well done and funny! Sounds like the *Sun* can dish it out, but it can’t take it…

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