The former political editor of the now-on-a-Sunday-too Sun, Trevor Kavanagh, has been complaining about how investigations into phone hacking and bribing police officers at the newspaper have turned into a witch-hunt.
You may think that’s a bit rich, considering we’re talking about a news organisation that hasn’t been exactly dainty in how it’s treated other people.
But eloquent gurner Charlie Brooker has leapt to the defence of the Sun.
Some say it’s rich of The Sun to complain about witch-hunts, because it’s conducted plenty of them itself. But that’s really not fair. The Sun has never once conducted a witch-hunt against actual witches. I mean, okay, it has picked on one or two other groups, like…
Women in burqas
Public sector workers.
Spongers who sit around twiddling their thumbs
Anyone who’s had a fight
Anyone with cellulite
Satanists, who take the piss
So-called “expert boffins”
the escorts who let Frank Bough in
Anyone caught cheatin’
The England squad, the Goalie’s hands
The manager, the Hillsborough fans.
Speed cameras, reckless drivers
Snotty jobsworths, feckless skivers
Trendy vicars wearing knickers
The cast of EastEnders
Foreigners who can’t sing our national anthem
The French, the Portuguese
The Krauts, the MEPs
Anyone who lives in Spain
Or starts a human rights campaign.
Geeks, freaks, crackers, hackers
Former men with new vaginas
The local hoody
And cheating turds –
on disability benefits who don’t seem quite disabled enough for their liking.
Chris Jefferies, Russell Harty,
Members of the Green Party
Anyone who says: “recycle”
Wayward superstar, George Michael
Channel 4, ITV
Channel Five, the BBC
(Especially if they snuck into Britain using any kind of vessel)
Katie Waissel’s prozzie gran
Emperor Hirohito of Japan.
Non-existent feral cats
An innocent man called Robert Murat
The cast of The Only Way Is Essex
The Leveson Inquiry into media ethics
And the occasional supermodel bitches.
That’s alright then. As long they’ve left the witches alone. Especially the sandwiches. They’re my favourite and deserve no villification in the press.