Our Royal Wedding Street Party

I only married him cos he looked like you...

The excitement is building. The tiaras are being dusted off. The red, white and blue wigs are being pulled out from the backs of cupboards.

Our street is preparing for a party. We finally found an excuse for a neighbourly shindig. It’s… ah… it’ll come to me…

Oh aye. Kate and William are getting married on Friday and we’re shutting down the area for a tea party. No, not that kind of tea party – the dainty sandwiches type of tea party.

We’ll have the traditional tables up the road, cucumber sandwiches (but with or without the crusts – that’s the dilemma), toasts, nostalgia for an imagined past we never knew and general silliness.

No doubt there’ll be a fair amount of royal-related tat on display. Our mugs from China arrived broken – so they’ll not do as prizes. But do you think them smashing in transit is a bad omen for the royal couple? Or are the bad vibes mitigated by the fact they showed a picture of Harry, not Wills, cosying up to Kate. Maybe it was for the best that the wrong brother and the bride-to-be were sundered.

Not a good likeness.

Not everyone on the road is happy about the party. As one bloke quite reasonably asked – how can you claim to believe in a meritocratic society and celebrate the royal family? He’s threatening to clamber on to his roof and repel royal lovers by any means necessary. I don’t rate his chances. His partner’s already on board with the party. And he’ll be a prime candidate for the stocks – no rotten fruit and veg though, just sponges.

But should his outburst make me feel uncomfortable? Well, on the one hand I agree with him. What on earth is a republican (in a French or Irish sense rather than American) like me doing instigating a street party to mark a royal wedding? What a hypocrite!

Ah just hang on. It’s neighbourly. It’s a party. Those trump ideology. And in my defence, I’m subtly subverting any loyal aspects by ensuring the draft ale is from a brewery called Rebellion. (Check out their Prenuptu-Ale brewed – or perhaps more accurately – branded – for the wedding.) OK, as gestures go, my rebellion is quite subtle indeed.

But hey – I’m in England. And when in Rome, don’t go round calling for the royals to be put up against a wall. (Unless you’re English yourself, in which case it’s fine.)

So the beer is in. The public address system is ordered. The temporary tattoos have arrived. The bunting is ready. All we need is a themed fridge to keep the drink cold. (Can you imagine the embarrassment if you were discovered to actually have one of those in your kitchen.)

Different generations are drawing up their lists of songs to be song en masse – Knees Up Mother Brown v. Gold Forever by The Wanted.

Perhaps they’ll be able to compromise on this royally adjusted version of Lady Gaga‘s Bad Romance. It’s by a bunch of fellas at St Andrews University (where Kate and Wills met) who call themselves The Other Guys, and muse about what might have been.

So – it’s happening the day after tomorrow. Are we missing anything?

Either one will do.

No… Should be alright – as long as we don’t get the traditional weather (no rain please) and she says yes.

(By the way Fergie, if you’re reading this – I hear you may not be at the ceremony itself, so you’re welcome to join us. Even though you’re not from the street. But don’t come empty handed, eh? Bring a bottle.)



Filed under In the village

16 responses to “Our Royal Wedding Street Party

  1. God, I can’t wait till it’s over so I can see some important news again. The media thinks the American public is enchanted with all this but the truth is the media is what is enchanted. It is also not the events but their coverage is what is the news.

  2. Great post. Love the video. Was it really the wrong mug on the mugs or are you just having a go at the Chinese?

    Enjoy your party.

  3. I’m with Carl, the coverage in the States is 24/7 since Monday.

    I read about the cups, what a hoot.

    Hope you have a blast at your street party. I’m so with ya on this one, being neighborly trumps all.

  4. blackwatertown

    @Carl & Maxi – So who says there isn’t enough foreign “news” on US television… You’re sick of it now.
    @Póló – “wrong mug on the mugs” – like it. No, it’s absolutely true. The broken pieces are sitting in my kitchen. I’m trying to think of a use for them.

  5. Subsequently clicked on your picture and saw the newsitem. Has to be a spoof. Like printing stamps with errors on purpose to create collectors items.

    You probably need a Wills and Kate superglue for the mug. I wonder has anyone thought of marketing that? Till death do us part and all that against the background of some previous royal marriages.

  6. Well, I think that you have finally put all this hoopla and nonsense to a terrific use and in a way that makes me really, really want to hop on the Concord and join your festivities. I hope all goes well for everyone and I would bet a tenner that everyone there has a better time than those actually invited to the wedding. Cheers mate.

  7. Freedom, by the way

    I’m debating whether to get up at the unglodly hour of 5 AM to watch the festivities. The royal watching is very tepid in the US –not near what it was with Charles & Diana. However, I love any excuse for a party–if I were in England, your street bash sounds great! (Is it a national holiday or something? Does everyone have off from work/school?) Have fun! (Loved the video, btw).

  8. blackwatertown

    @ beautifulimposter – Thanks. At least we won’t be stuck sitting on hard pews for hours on end.
    @ Freedom – Yes, it’s a national holiday – an extra one this year for the wedding. I recommend you enjoy your sleep and watch it on the reruns. It’ll probably be on TV all day anyway.
    — You’d both be welcome if you were here.

  9. Oh any excuse for a party. Although I hear the royals aren’t serving beer so any Aussie attendees will be disappointed. Frankly, if it wasn’t for the royals, who’d visit England except ex-pats?

  10. Enjoy The Party ! I’m not a big Royalist but the weather forecast seems to say that London will get rain,while ,further North will have sunshine.A good compromise me’thinks!

  11. aubrey

    I heard that for the reception (or British/royalty equivalent thereof) there will be disco balls decorating Buckingham Palace. Wish I could step in and do something about that.

    Your party sounds like a delight. Nothing wrong in a bit of Innocent Happy. If I lived in England, I would definitely try to procure an invitation to your party!

  12. There was no party round my way, it just went surreally quiet. No people and very little traffic until around 1 o’clockish. It was like 28 Days Later, just without the zombies.

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