June 5, 2012 · 11:46 pm
She’s just realised she should have married Arthur instead of Philip.
The Diamond Jubilee could have been so different, if only HM Queen Elizabeth II had married miners’ leader Arthur Scargill instead of Philip.
That’s the view from Daley Bread – scene of my unfortunate mistake and then my embarrassing retraction. I’ve since realised it’s a fount of wisdom about the world.
And the view from behind the sandwich counter is this:
The Queen should have married Arthur Scargill. Then we’d have someone to fight for and someone to fight for us.
The working class have been squeezed out of the picture. It could have been so different.
Or would it have been? Arthur Scargill and Prince Philip are not as different as you might think.
- They’re both known for cutting themselves on their sharp tongues. Philip: To then dictator of Paraguay, General Stroessner: “It’s a pleasure to be in a country that isn’t ruled by its people.”Arthur: “Only a fool wants a confrontation and only a fool wants a strike.”
Prince Philip with coal smeared over his face to conceal his true identity.
They’ve both shovelled coal. Arthur down Woolley Colliery. Philip in the boiler room of the RMS Empress of Russia.
- Philip was mentioned in despatches for his role in the Battle of Cape Matapan. Arthur was renowned for his defiance at the Battles of Satley Gate and Orgreave.
- Arthur was branded “the enemy within”. Philip’s relations and sisters were barred from his wedding because of their German connections.
- Both have been smeared in connection with the British secret services – Continue reading →
Filed under life
Tagged as arthur scargill, battle of argreave, blackwater, blackwatertown, Cape Matapan, daley bread, diamond jubilee, doppelganger, Elizabeth, funny, her majesty, king arthur, miner, miners strike, monarch, monarch a trois, NUM, orgreave, paraguay, prince and the pauper, prince philip, Queen, RMS Empress of Russia, royal, Satley gate, scargill, secret identity, should have married, stroessner, threesome, throne, Woolley Colliery
October 26, 2011 · 12:09 am
"I just can't bear to look at that man."
The bar is hereby set to a new high for the The Day I Met… Competition. We’re talking mightily prestigious here. Almost John Peel level. Someone who has two birthdays each year. Holiday homes across the globe. Likes the gee-gees. She even knew Princess Diana. Yes… it’s the Queen. Queen Elizabeth II (or I if you’re Scottish). As monarchs go, she makes up in dignity what she lacks in liveliness.
This startling tale comes from Rudy Noriega of the Gullible’s Travels blog.
Regardless of your politics (and you know how I compromised mine here and here), Queen Elizabeth is the sort of person for whom you’d want to scrub up well before meeting. You’d want to make a fairly good impression, wouldn’t you? Not encounter with your flies down or spinach between your teeth. You certainly wouldn’t want to encounter her when you were… say…. oh I don’t know… PISSED! (That means drunk, by the way, not angry, for any Americans reading this.)
Oh Rudy, Rudy, Rudy… Continue reading →
Filed under Guest Posts, The Day I Met... Competition
Tagged as blackwater, blackwatertown, celeb, celebrity, czech, drunk, duke of edinburgh, Elizabeth, embarrassing, embarrassment, encounter, guest post, Gullible's Travels, marimba, nun, nun with concussion, nun with percussion, philip, pissed, prague, prince, Queen, royal, Rudy Noriega, the day I met, tipsy, trutnov
July 9, 2011 · 1:40 am
Can there any longer be any doubt that News International is a force of evil in the world? (This wasn’t my scheduled subject, but “events dear boy, events.”)
There are all sorts of pictures of perps and victims I could have used to illustrate this - but here's the Murdoch monkey at the top of the tree - the spider at the centre of the web. Unfortunately the bad smell does not come solely from him. There's a strong whiff very much closer to home.
They’re the reason I receive text messages like this:
Hi, I am unable to answer my phone at the moment but if you leave me a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.
But the appalling behaviour of some journalists is not the most shocking part. What’s really scary is that the omertà of Britain’s press and politicians on phone-hacking amounts to complicity in crime Continue reading →
Filed under media, politics
Tagged as allan massie, Andy Coulson, blackwater, blackwatertown, bribe, bribery, bribing, corruption, David Cameron, ed miliband, ethical journalism, ethics, fleet street, glenn mulcaire, Guardian, hugh grant, journalism, media, Milly Dowler, News International, news of the world, Paul McMullan, PCC, peter oborne, phone hacking, police, political class, politics, Press Complaints Commission, private eye, rebekah brooks, rebekah wade, royal, Rupert Murdoch, speccie, spectator, sun, trigger, vince cable
May 16, 2011 · 12:16 am
New takes on recent events.
1. The Royal Wedding.
Remember how you were saying to yourself as you watched the royal wedding, how some of the main players looked looked naturally – but also strangely – familiar? This is why.
Continue reading →
Filed under media
Tagged as art, assassin, assassination, beatrice, bin laden, blackwater, blackwatertown, cartoon, catherine, duchess of cambridge, duke of cambridge, eugenie, frog prince, international rescue, kate, kermit muppet, la la, laa laa, lookalike, lookalikes, magazine, middleton, miss piggy, muppets, navy, orincess, osama, Osama Bin Laden, po, pressdram, prince, private eye, royal, royal wedding, seal, seals, tellytubbies, tellytubby, thunderbirds, thurber, tinky winky, US, wedding, william, Wills, York
May 3, 2011 · 10:46 pm
While I was off being transformed into a godfather (to the most handsome young Arthur), a couple of things happened which might have taken your mind off the year’s biggest event Continue reading →
Filed under In the village
Tagged as air miles andy, ali, archbishop of Canterbury, arthur, arthur gentry, bagpipes, big, blackwater, blackwatertown, boxing, cake, camilla, cassius clay, catherine, cucumber, dog, enry's hammer, flat cap, goal, god save the queen, godfather, henry cooper, kate, katherine, lookalike, marlon brando, mistaken identity, muhammed ali, national anthem, obama, obama bin laden, osama, Osama Bin Laden, party, prince, prince andrew, prince philip, princess, Queen, randy andy, royal, sandwich, street, trombone, village, william, Wills, zara, zara phillips
April 29, 2011 · 1:50 am
We’d only left the door open for a moment. Continue reading →
Filed under In the village
Tagged as big, big dog, blackwater, blackwatertown, boston bruins, bun, buns, bunting, burger, cake, cakes, catherine, dog, gingerbread, house, ice hockey, idiot, jack edwards, jack lemmon, Jordan, kate, michael crawford, middleton, monarchy, montreal canadiens, My Treasure, On My Watch, opera, phantom, phantom of the opera, prince, princess, ralph, royal, royalty, sarah brightman, street party, sweetie, sweets, tattoo, the idiot speaketh, theidiotspeaketh, Um Uthayna, village, wedding, william, Wills
April 27, 2011 · 1:53 am
I only married him cos he looked like you...
The excitement is building. The tiaras are being dusted off. The red, white and blue wigs are being pulled out from the backs of cupboards.
Our street is preparing for a party. We finally found an excuse for a neighbourly shindig. It’s… ah… it’ll come to me…
Oh aye. Kate and William are getting married on Friday and we’re shutting down the area for a tea party. No, not that kind of tea party – the dainty sandwiches type of tea party.
We’ll have the traditional tables up the road, cucumber sandwiches (but with or without the crusts – that’s the dilemma), toasts, nostalgia for an imagined past we never knew and general silliness.
No doubt there’ll be a fair amount of royal-related tat on display. Our mugs from China arrived broken – so they’ll not do as prizes. But do you think them smashing in transit is a bad omen for the royal couple? Or are the bad vibes mitigated by the fact they showed a picture of Harry, not Wills, cosying up to Kate. Maybe it was for the best that the wrong brother and the bride-to-be were sundered.
Not a good likeness.
Not everyone on the road is happy about the party Continue reading →
Filed under In the village
Tagged as acapella, bad romance, berr, blackwater, blackwatertown, catherine, clarence house, comic relief, cucumber sandwiches, fergie, fridge, gold forever, harry, hillbilly, hypocrisy, hypocrite, kate, knees up mother brown, Lady Gaga, meritocratic, mug, Music, noel harrison, petula clark, prenuptu-ale, prince, princess, rebellion, red nose day, republican, romance, royal, royal romance, royal tat, sarah ferguson, shindig, souvenir mug, st andrews, stacy ann ferguson, stacy ferguson, street party, the other guys, the wanted, tiara, wedding, william, Wills
July 1, 2010 · 12:56 am
Now look what you’ve done. You’re famous. That’s you – readers and commentators. You have only gone and become online exemplars who have made “clear the sort of support you can get from a virtual network in a connected world.”
That’s according to the highly prestigious Trading As WDR blog. (“A blog containing thoughts about change, and how to achieve it…”)
WDR spotted what’s been going on here recently and has drawn attention to it.
After such high achievement, you deserve a special treat.
Spandau Ballet sang:
Give me no answers
That’s all they ever give me
But to cut a long story short, this is the moment you start getting answers. Three answers. (Four if you count the last one double.)
First, I’m going to reveal to you the answer to the question that has been bugging you since childhood. Continue reading →
Filed under blogs, media, My Writing
Tagged as air conditioning, art, Belfast, blackwater, blackwatertown, book, carrie, carrie bradshaw, cartoon, cassette, chicken, conundrum, done, Film, Holy Water, invention, Ireland, kristin davis, media, miranda, movie, My Writing, Northern Ireland, pinkberry, portraits, puzzle, royal, Royal Victoria Hospital, RVH, samantha, Sarah Connor, sarah jessica parker, SATC, sex, sex and the city, Sirocco, Spandau Ballet, tape, Titanic, trading as wdr, weird, why did the chicken cross the road
November 3, 2009 · 8:14 pm
DI Murphy accompanies Princess Elizabeth, Belfast, June 1949
There was no difficulty finding gunmen in those days. Swordsmen were rarer. But blades are the style when you’re escorting a princess. There she is, the future Queen Elizabeth, looking very nicely turned out.
It’s understandable that you didn’t notice her at first glance, given the distinguished handsome bloke beside her. He’s District Inspector Murphy – aka Great Uncle Mike – of B District.
He tended to be called in to lead RUC parades on royal visits, partly because he was one of the few officers versed in sword drill. That came from his Irish Guard days.
On this occasion Princess Elizabeth is inspecting an RUC Guard of Honour at Belfast City Hall in June 1949. The following month Michael Murphy was promoted from DI 2nd class to DI 1st class.
Another family policing link is here – Dan Waters of the RIC.
Filed under family history
Tagged as blackwater, blackwatertown, family, family history, Michael Murphy, police, Princess Elizabeth, Queen Elizabeth, royal, Royal Ulster Constabulary, RUC